THE NIGHT BEFORE CHRISTMAS - The PhD version:
12-23-2006, 11:55 AM
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THE NIGHT BEFORE CHRISTMAS - The PhD version: (For Readers in Their 23rd Year of Schooling)
'Twas the nocturnal segment of the diurnal period preceding the annual
yuletide celebration, and throughout our place of residence, kinetic
activity was not in evidence among the possessors of this potential,
including that species of domestic rodent known as Mus musculus.
Hosiery was meticulously suspended from the forward edge of the
wood-burning caloric apparatus, pursuant to our anticipatory pleasure
regarding an imminent visitation from an eccentric philanthropist
among whose folkloric appellations is the honorific title of St.
Nicholas.
The prepubescent siblings, comfortably ensconced in their respective
accommodations of repose, were experiencing subconscious visual
hallucinations of variegated fruit confections moving rhythmically
through their cerebra.
My conjugal partner and I, attired in our nocturnal cranial coverings,
were about to take slumberous advantage of the hibernal darkness when
upon the arenaceous exterior portion of the grounds there ascended
such a cacophony of dissonance that I felt compelled to arise with
alacrity from my place of repose for the purpose of ascertaining the
precise source thereof.
Hastening to the casement, I forthwith opened the barriers sealing the
fenestration, noting thereupon that the lunar brilliance without,
reflected as it was on the surface of a recent crystalline aqueous
precipitation, might be said to rival that of the solar meridian
itself -- thus permitting my incredulous optical sensor to peruse a
miniature airborne runnered conveyance drawn by an octet of diminutive
specimens of the genus Rangifer, piloted by a minuscule, aged
chauffeur so ebullient and nimble that it became instantly apparent to
me that he was indeed our anticipated caller.
With his undulate motive power travelling at what may possibly have
been more vertiginous velocity than patriotic alar predators, he
vociferated loudly, expelled breath musically through contracted
labia, and addressed each of the octet by his or her respective
cognomen ... "Now Dasher, now Dancer..." et al. -- guiding them to the
uppermost exterior level of our abode, through which structure I could
readily distinguish the concatenations of each of the 32 cloven pedal
extremities.
As I retracted my cranium from its erstwhile location, and was
performing a 180-degree pivot, our distinguished visitant achieved --
with utmost celerity and via a downward leap -- entry by way of the
smoke passage.
He was clad entirely in animal pelts soiled by the ebon residue from
the oxidations of carboniferous fuels which had accumulated on the
walls thereof.
His resemblance to a street vendor I attributed largely to the
plethora of assorted playthings which he bore dorsally in a commodious
cloth receptacle.
His orbs were scintillant with reflected luminosity, while his
submaxillary dermal indentations gave every evidence of engaging
amiability.
The capillaries of his molar regions and nasal aptenance were engorged
with blood which suffused the subcutaneous layers, the former
approximating the coloration of Albion's floral emblem, the latter
that of the Prunus avium, or sweet cherry.
His amusing sub- and supralabials resembled nothing so much as a
common loop knot, and their ambient hirsute facial adornment appeared
like small, tabular and columnar crystals of frozen water.
Clenched firmly between his incisors was a smoking-piece whose grey
fumes, forming a tenuous ellipse about his occiput, were suggestive of
a decorative seasonal circlet of holly.
His visage was wider than it was high, and when he waxed audibly
mirthful, his corpulent abdominal region undulated in the manner of
impectinated fruit syrup in a hemispherical container.
Without utterance and with dispatch, he commenced filling the
aforementioned hosiery with articles of merchandise extracted from his
aforementioned previously dorsally transported cloth receptacle.
Upon completion of this task, he executed an abrupt about-face, placed
a single manual digit in lateral juxtaposition to his olfactory organ,
inclined his cranium forward in a gesture of leave-taking, and
forthwith affected his egress by renegotiating (in reverse) the smoke
passage.
He then propelled himself in a short vector onto his conveyance,
directed a musical expulsion of air through his contracted oral
sphincter to the antlered quadrupeds of burden, and proceeded to soar
aloft in a movement hitherto observable chiefly among the seed-bearing
portions of a common weed.
But I overheard his parting exclamation, audible immediately prior to
his vesiculation beyond the limits of visibility:
"Ecstatic yuletides to the planetary constituence, and to that
self-same assemblage my sincerest wishes for a salubriously beneficial
and gratifyingly pleasurable period between sunset and dawn."
'Twas the nocturnal segment of the diurnal period preceding the annual
yuletide celebration, and throughout our place of residence, kinetic
activity was not in evidence among the possessors of this potential,
including that species of domestic rodent known as Mus musculus.
Hosiery was meticulously suspended from the forward edge of the
wood-burning caloric apparatus, pursuant to our anticipatory pleasure
regarding an imminent visitation from an eccentric philanthropist
among whose folkloric appellations is the honorific title of St.
Nicholas.
The prepubescent siblings, comfortably ensconced in their respective
accommodations of repose, were experiencing subconscious visual
hallucinations of variegated fruit confections moving rhythmically
through their cerebra.
My conjugal partner and I, attired in our nocturnal cranial coverings,
were about to take slumberous advantage of the hibernal darkness when
upon the arenaceous exterior portion of the grounds there ascended
such a cacophony of dissonance that I felt compelled to arise with
alacrity from my place of repose for the purpose of ascertaining the
precise source thereof.
Hastening to the casement, I forthwith opened the barriers sealing the
fenestration, noting thereupon that the lunar brilliance without,
reflected as it was on the surface of a recent crystalline aqueous
precipitation, might be said to rival that of the solar meridian
itself -- thus permitting my incredulous optical sensor to peruse a
miniature airborne runnered conveyance drawn by an octet of diminutive
specimens of the genus Rangifer, piloted by a minuscule, aged
chauffeur so ebullient and nimble that it became instantly apparent to
me that he was indeed our anticipated caller.
With his undulate motive power travelling at what may possibly have
been more vertiginous velocity than patriotic alar predators, he
vociferated loudly, expelled breath musically through contracted
labia, and addressed each of the octet by his or her respective
cognomen ... "Now Dasher, now Dancer..." et al. -- guiding them to the
uppermost exterior level of our abode, through which structure I could
readily distinguish the concatenations of each of the 32 cloven pedal
extremities.
As I retracted my cranium from its erstwhile location, and was
performing a 180-degree pivot, our distinguished visitant achieved --
with utmost celerity and via a downward leap -- entry by way of the
smoke passage.
He was clad entirely in animal pelts soiled by the ebon residue from
the oxidations of carboniferous fuels which had accumulated on the
walls thereof.
His resemblance to a street vendor I attributed largely to the
plethora of assorted playthings which he bore dorsally in a commodious
cloth receptacle.
His orbs were scintillant with reflected luminosity, while his
submaxillary dermal indentations gave every evidence of engaging
amiability.
The capillaries of his molar regions and nasal aptenance were engorged
with blood which suffused the subcutaneous layers, the former
approximating the coloration of Albion's floral emblem, the latter
that of the Prunus avium, or sweet cherry.
His amusing sub- and supralabials resembled nothing so much as a
common loop knot, and their ambient hirsute facial adornment appeared
like small, tabular and columnar crystals of frozen water.
Clenched firmly between his incisors was a smoking-piece whose grey
fumes, forming a tenuous ellipse about his occiput, were suggestive of
a decorative seasonal circlet of holly.
His visage was wider than it was high, and when he waxed audibly
mirthful, his corpulent abdominal region undulated in the manner of
impectinated fruit syrup in a hemispherical container.
Without utterance and with dispatch, he commenced filling the
aforementioned hosiery with articles of merchandise extracted from his
aforementioned previously dorsally transported cloth receptacle.
Upon completion of this task, he executed an abrupt about-face, placed
a single manual digit in lateral juxtaposition to his olfactory organ,
inclined his cranium forward in a gesture of leave-taking, and
forthwith affected his egress by renegotiating (in reverse) the smoke
passage.
He then propelled himself in a short vector onto his conveyance,
directed a musical expulsion of air through his contracted oral
sphincter to the antlered quadrupeds of burden, and proceeded to soar
aloft in a movement hitherto observable chiefly among the seed-bearing
portions of a common weed.
But I overheard his parting exclamation, audible immediately prior to
his vesiculation beyond the limits of visibility:
"Ecstatic yuletides to the planetary constituence, and to that
self-same assemblage my sincerest wishes for a salubriously beneficial
and gratifyingly pleasurable period between sunset and dawn."
