View Full Version : Kill Story "How To"


J-Rod
08-27-2003, 02:56 PM
I saw much of this posted on another site, and decided perhaps some of the folks on here might benfit from reading it.

So, are you tired of getting flamed for ranting in unintelligible run-on sentences?

Want to distinguish your next "Kill" story from all the boring "so I pull up to this red light..." cookie-cutter tales?

Frustrated by people calling B.S. on you when you swear that it really happened (although you don't remember anything in between the end of the race and the moment you swatted the snooze button on the alarm clock this morning, nor can you explain why you were driving in nothing but your underwear or why your Mom was in the passenger seat)?

Well, take heed of these simple suggestions, and maybe somebody (other than yourself) will give a thumbs up to your next story...

Proper Elements of a "Kill" story...
First, make sure you include:
1. What were you driving and what was the other car?
2. Where were you?
3. When did it happen?
4. Who else was involved?
5. How did it end?
Then ask yourself:
6. Why the heck would anyone but me think this is interesting?

The "Don't's"... by example:
1. Don't just ramble on in bunch of garbled you know sentence fragment messed up like can't nobody understand so anyway just try to write good clear language like English or something.
2. Tri 2 act'ly spel sum werds rite 11-s inna wile.
3. DON'T USE U/C, IT'S LIKE YOU'RE YELLING.
4. Do forget to proofread before you click. [uh, there was supposed to be a "not" in that sentence, duh!]
5. If you have to f***'n curse, make it part of the f***'n tone of the story, don't just f***'n curse for the f***'n hell of it.
6. All cars are "definitely modded" and nobody EVER drives with a stock exhaust system, right? NOT! [If you don't know for sure, don't assume; separate what you actually saw from what you think it might have been.]
7. It's OK to say your car just got beat 6 carlengths in a 1/4 mile by a bone stock Cavalier. Just like how I punked out a McLaren F1 from a 40 roll the other day. [IOW, don't lie. People can tell when you're just making stuff up.]

The "Do's"... in the form of some feel-good self-affirmations:
1. My story has a beginning, middle and end.
2. I have used proper English, flavored with slang where appropriate, so that my story will more likely be declared sick, not whack.
3. I have used punctuation - not just by chance, but on purpose.
4. My story is not just an accumulation of dry details raked into a pile. I have flavored it as I would fine food for the mind, adding interesting literary devices to the meat of the story so that the reader will not be bored to tears or placed into a zombie-like trance the way a couch potato watches the same episode of Gilligan's Island over and over and over again.
5. I spent enough time editing my prose that I would be comfortable turning it in for a grade (if I were still in school, anyway).

No offense intended... I've just started to get a little tired of the same ole' stuff all the time. I think if we love our cars enough to write about them, we should endeavor to write good.

SouthFL.02.SS
08-27-2003, 03:07 PM
...I think if we love our cars enough to write about them, we should endeavor to write good.



Write well :cheers:.

titanium barchetta
08-27-2003, 03:43 PM
Ditto :usa:

4thGENRETARD
08-27-2003, 03:53 PM
He meant to say stories .LOL :D

JHolmesJr
08-27-2003, 03:58 PM
ROFLMFAO!!!

Notice there are 2 responses and about 20 views at this point. I think you stepped on a few toes. I thought I was the only one that understood Subject, Verb, Object when reading some of these posts. Hell, no wonder I don't have a mullet. Thanks J, one of the most entertaining posts I've read in ages.

titanium barchetta
08-27-2003, 04:11 PM
I think I am gonna change my sign-in name to RJeremyJr. after readin yours, that rawks! :cheers:

JHolmesJr
08-28-2003, 02:11 PM
Thanks, Bro. Unfortunately, it's just wishful thinking. :(

x phantom x
08-28-2003, 10:41 PM
Perfect ... now if we would just send some of these guys to english school, maybe that idea would work.

Formula96
08-29-2003, 01:04 AM
we dont need no education

Vendetta
08-29-2003, 02:18 AM
pink floyd is excellent

Red Shift
08-29-2003, 05:09 AM
Ow to meny big werds, me no wanna reed so much. It hurts mi eers whin I reed owt lowd. Just kidding.

Good points, thank you.

Hybrid Slow
08-30-2003, 02:21 AM
LOL, good post J-Rod.

Someone needs to make this a sticky. :jest:

Black00Z
08-30-2003, 03:41 AM
Well put. :cheers:

69_Velle_SS_396
08-30-2003, 10:15 PM
wow, gluemaker, tahts the same thing u said 2 me.