Washington Barbie Dolls
04-09-2006, 10:08 AM
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Join Date: Oct 2004
Location: Port Orchard, Washington
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Washington Barbie Dolls It's funny because it's pretty much true and it's sad for the same reason.
Seattle Barbie: This modern day homemaker Barbie is available with a
Mercedes 4WD SUV, a Prada handbag and matching Nike Yoga ensemble. She has a masters degree and double-majored, but has the luxury of being a
stay-at-home mom with Ken's generous salary. Comes with Percocet
prescription and Botox. Starbucks mug and traffic-jamming Blackberry
internet/cell phone device sold separately. Husband Ken is into fishing,
golfing, baseball and is often "working late." Available at all
Seattle-area Starbucks retailers.
Bellevue Barbie: This princess Barbie is only sold at Nordstrom. She comes
with an assortment of Kate Spade handbags, your choice of a BMW
convertible or Hummer H2 and a long-haired foreign lapdog named "Honey."
Also available is her cookie-cutter development dream house. Available
with or without tummy tuck, facelift, and breast augmentation. Workaholic,
cheating husband, Ken, comes with a Porsche.
Tacoma Barbie: This recently paroled Barbie comes with a 9mm handgun,
switchblade, '78 El Camino with dark tinted windows, and a meth lab kit.
This model is available only after dark and can only be purchased with
cash - preferably small bills, unless you're a cop, then we don't know
what you're talking about. Boyfriend Ken is in jail. Available at many
pawn shops.
Everett Barbie: This tobacco chewing, brassy-haired Barbie comes with a
pair of high-heeled sandals with one broken heel from the time she chased
Beer Gut Ken out of Auburn Barbie's trailer. Her ensemble includes
low-rise acid-washed jeans, fake fingernails, strawberry lip gloss and a
see-through halter top. Purchase her Mustang convertible separately and
get a Confederate flag bumper sticker absolutely free. Boyfriend Ken is
in treatment. Available at Army Navy Surplus.
Monroe Barbie: This pale model comes dressed in her own Wrangler jeans 2
sizes too small, steel-toed cowboy boots, a classic Metallica 'T' shirt
and a Tweedy Bird tattoo on her shoulder. She has fake fingernails, a six
pack of Budweiser, and a Hank Williams, Jr. CD set. She can spit over a
distance of 6 feet and kick mullet-haired Ken's *** when she is drunk.
Also available is the gold-toned cubic zirconium ring that Ken gave her
after another one of his "episodes" with his boss's daughter.
Comes with Barbie's Dream Double Wide Trailer. Available at Wal-Mart.
Puyallup Barbie: Pregnant at purchase, this Barbie comes with a stroller
and bus pass. Also included is a G.E.D. and a completely filled out food
stamps form. Construction worker Ken and his '82 Caddy are optional.
Available at Value Village.
Vashon Island Barbie: This Barbie is made out of recycled plastic and
tofu. She has long straight brown hair, archless feet, hairy armpits, no
make-up, and Birkenstocks with white socks. She does not want, or need,
a Ken doll. If you purchase the optional Subaru wagon, you will receive a
free rainbow flag sticker. Available at REI.
Olympia Barbie: This versatile doll can be easily converted from Barbie
to Ken by simply adding or removing snap on parts. Walks to work. Likes to
"experiment," but will never commit. This model is being phased
out and is only available from the manufacturer.
Bremerton Barbie:This beautiful "Bremalo" is very versatile. She
comes in stick thin but with an attachable butt and gutt. (The clothing size does
not change for this doll.) Comb her beautiful greasy hair and switch
between your choice of 3 different stained outfits, while trying to catch
the eye of Sailor Ken's best friend Sailor Joe. Fake positive pregnancy
test and rusted Oldsmobile with "Baby on Board" window stickey
sold seperately. Limited time offer! Act now and get signed child support
papers from Sailor Ken! Available at your local Wal-Mart and Value
Village.
Seattle Barbie: This modern day homemaker Barbie is available with a
Mercedes 4WD SUV, a Prada handbag and matching Nike Yoga ensemble. She has a masters degree and double-majored, but has the luxury of being a
stay-at-home mom with Ken's generous salary. Comes with Percocet
prescription and Botox. Starbucks mug and traffic-jamming Blackberry
internet/cell phone device sold separately. Husband Ken is into fishing,
golfing, baseball and is often "working late." Available at all
Seattle-area Starbucks retailers.
Bellevue Barbie: This princess Barbie is only sold at Nordstrom. She comes
with an assortment of Kate Spade handbags, your choice of a BMW
convertible or Hummer H2 and a long-haired foreign lapdog named "Honey."
Also available is her cookie-cutter development dream house. Available
with or without tummy tuck, facelift, and breast augmentation. Workaholic,
cheating husband, Ken, comes with a Porsche.
Tacoma Barbie: This recently paroled Barbie comes with a 9mm handgun,
switchblade, '78 El Camino with dark tinted windows, and a meth lab kit.
This model is available only after dark and can only be purchased with
cash - preferably small bills, unless you're a cop, then we don't know
what you're talking about. Boyfriend Ken is in jail. Available at many
pawn shops.
Everett Barbie: This tobacco chewing, brassy-haired Barbie comes with a
pair of high-heeled sandals with one broken heel from the time she chased
Beer Gut Ken out of Auburn Barbie's trailer. Her ensemble includes
low-rise acid-washed jeans, fake fingernails, strawberry lip gloss and a
see-through halter top. Purchase her Mustang convertible separately and
get a Confederate flag bumper sticker absolutely free. Boyfriend Ken is
in treatment. Available at Army Navy Surplus.
Monroe Barbie: This pale model comes dressed in her own Wrangler jeans 2
sizes too small, steel-toed cowboy boots, a classic Metallica 'T' shirt
and a Tweedy Bird tattoo on her shoulder. She has fake fingernails, a six
pack of Budweiser, and a Hank Williams, Jr. CD set. She can spit over a
distance of 6 feet and kick mullet-haired Ken's *** when she is drunk.
Also available is the gold-toned cubic zirconium ring that Ken gave her
after another one of his "episodes" with his boss's daughter.
Comes with Barbie's Dream Double Wide Trailer. Available at Wal-Mart.
Puyallup Barbie: Pregnant at purchase, this Barbie comes with a stroller
and bus pass. Also included is a G.E.D. and a completely filled out food
stamps form. Construction worker Ken and his '82 Caddy are optional.
Available at Value Village.
Vashon Island Barbie: This Barbie is made out of recycled plastic and
tofu. She has long straight brown hair, archless feet, hairy armpits, no
make-up, and Birkenstocks with white socks. She does not want, or need,
a Ken doll. If you purchase the optional Subaru wagon, you will receive a
free rainbow flag sticker. Available at REI.
Olympia Barbie: This versatile doll can be easily converted from Barbie
to Ken by simply adding or removing snap on parts. Walks to work. Likes to
"experiment," but will never commit. This model is being phased
out and is only available from the manufacturer.
Bremerton Barbie:This beautiful "Bremalo" is very versatile. She
comes in stick thin but with an attachable butt and gutt. (The clothing size does
not change for this doll.) Comb her beautiful greasy hair and switch
between your choice of 3 different stained outfits, while trying to catch
the eye of Sailor Ken's best friend Sailor Joe. Fake positive pregnancy
test and rusted Oldsmobile with "Baby on Board" window stickey
sold seperately. Limited time offer! Act now and get signed child support
papers from Sailor Ken! Available at your local Wal-Mart and Value
Village.
Trending Topics
04-10-2006, 07:31 AM
#8
Only because Howeird started it while we were laughing on the phone...
Redmond Ken: The perfect compliment to Bellevue Barbie! Sports a Rolex in binary as an alibi for those long work hours. Ken is fluent in numerous languages: C++, HTML, VB, and more! No formal degrees, only basic knowledge of "Dungeons and Dragons" is required to carry on a conversation with this easily distracted model. 2006 version to be released in 2008 with unlimited upgrades and security patches. Available at Eddie Bauer only!
Capital Hill Ken:
This Ken is a dream come true! With impeccable fashion sense his "man purse" by Versace replaces the standard backpack. Weekly visits to day spas keep him looking ageless. With a flare for only the best culinary delights, he unwinds at clubs such as Neigbours, Rplace, Cuffs, or the War Room sipping Green Apple Martini's or Cosmopolitans. A Non smoker, he takes his Wimeraner named "Rexhall Major" for windy walks at the Arboretum. Can be found in any publication in the personals section of The Stranger.
Please note he is not compatible with any Barbie issued to date.
Marysville Ken: Easily found at any casino sporting that weeks rugged construction work clothes. A true ‘do it yourself’ Ken, his 14 year old Ford truck sports a lift kit, home welded brush guard and full bench seat protected with duct tape - shows just how handy he is! The collection of “NIB NASCAR” memorabilia is always for sale so money to pay the mobile home rent is never a problem. Comes with a freezer full of fish for the 'little woman of the week' to BBQ in the homemade half cut metal barrel salvaged from the shipyard late at night. Prefers "Lap dance" Barbie which hasn't been released due to REM sleep interruption.
Ballard Ken: Driving a White 66' Impala with seat belt hanging out door for easy recognition. Low miles since he never leaves the area! Can be understood by older Norwegians when drunk (interpreter available during off season of fishing only). Makes huge sums of money a few times a year, has an official “IRS Cheat Sheet” issued by that year’s employer. Knows all the words to the Stan Borrison club house password and as a bonus feature, exhibits shocked facial expression when told “Gertrude” is really a man. Can be found at any bar within five miles of his Mothers home.
Lakewood Ken: "Drive it like you stole it" is this Ken’s claim to fame! Compact wardrobe includes a black hoodie made of 100% cotton, “One Size Fits All” XXL rayon jogging pants makes washing blood out a breeze. His accessories include WileyX sunglasses that will not break when getting hit in the face. The small “heroin chic” build of this Ken allow for running through neighbors yards and fitting behind the wheel of inexpensive import cars with Carbon Fiber hoods and Whale Tail benches on the back no problem. Genealogy chart included though not conclusive. Found in the area of "Tacoma Barbie" late at night.
Boeing Ken: Plenty of time with the family when those yearly strikes lasting up to a month occur, the alternative to all other working Ken’s yet! He may be from any state or country, comes with permanent worker visa for the entire family. Never tired at the end of a workday he’s logged onto message boards, surfing the net, ordering parts to brag a brown truck came to his house. His hobbies are tinkering in the garage, buying expensive yard equipment he’ll never use including a riding lawn mower with headlights and dual cup holder for that extra beer. While this Ken may have to have his wife and kids work to keep up the mortgage payments, he is home more often than anyone else. Available at any Union meeting!
Redmond Ken: The perfect compliment to Bellevue Barbie! Sports a Rolex in binary as an alibi for those long work hours. Ken is fluent in numerous languages: C++, HTML, VB, and more! No formal degrees, only basic knowledge of "Dungeons and Dragons" is required to carry on a conversation with this easily distracted model. 2006 version to be released in 2008 with unlimited upgrades and security patches. Available at Eddie Bauer only!
Capital Hill Ken:
This Ken is a dream come true! With impeccable fashion sense his "man purse" by Versace replaces the standard backpack. Weekly visits to day spas keep him looking ageless. With a flare for only the best culinary delights, he unwinds at clubs such as Neigbours, Rplace, Cuffs, or the War Room sipping Green Apple Martini's or Cosmopolitans. A Non smoker, he takes his Wimeraner named "Rexhall Major" for windy walks at the Arboretum. Can be found in any publication in the personals section of The Stranger.
Please note he is not compatible with any Barbie issued to date.
Marysville Ken: Easily found at any casino sporting that weeks rugged construction work clothes. A true ‘do it yourself’ Ken, his 14 year old Ford truck sports a lift kit, home welded brush guard and full bench seat protected with duct tape - shows just how handy he is! The collection of “NIB NASCAR” memorabilia is always for sale so money to pay the mobile home rent is never a problem. Comes with a freezer full of fish for the 'little woman of the week' to BBQ in the homemade half cut metal barrel salvaged from the shipyard late at night. Prefers "Lap dance" Barbie which hasn't been released due to REM sleep interruption.
Ballard Ken: Driving a White 66' Impala with seat belt hanging out door for easy recognition. Low miles since he never leaves the area! Can be understood by older Norwegians when drunk (interpreter available during off season of fishing only). Makes huge sums of money a few times a year, has an official “IRS Cheat Sheet” issued by that year’s employer. Knows all the words to the Stan Borrison club house password and as a bonus feature, exhibits shocked facial expression when told “Gertrude” is really a man. Can be found at any bar within five miles of his Mothers home.
Lakewood Ken: "Drive it like you stole it" is this Ken’s claim to fame! Compact wardrobe includes a black hoodie made of 100% cotton, “One Size Fits All” XXL rayon jogging pants makes washing blood out a breeze. His accessories include WileyX sunglasses that will not break when getting hit in the face. The small “heroin chic” build of this Ken allow for running through neighbors yards and fitting behind the wheel of inexpensive import cars with Carbon Fiber hoods and Whale Tail benches on the back no problem. Genealogy chart included though not conclusive. Found in the area of "Tacoma Barbie" late at night.
Boeing Ken: Plenty of time with the family when those yearly strikes lasting up to a month occur, the alternative to all other working Ken’s yet! He may be from any state or country, comes with permanent worker visa for the entire family. Never tired at the end of a workday he’s logged onto message boards, surfing the net, ordering parts to brag a brown truck came to his house. His hobbies are tinkering in the garage, buying expensive yard equipment he’ll never use including a riding lawn mower with headlights and dual cup holder for that extra beer. While this Ken may have to have his wife and kids work to keep up the mortgage payments, he is home more often than anyone else. Available at any Union meeting!
