dogtag

Most of the cars I have arn't very fast. The reason being is that I gave up my city job and retired and moved out to the country so my Wifey could enjoy her horse hobby. She's been pretty good about supporting my car cravings so I figured it would be fair to meet her half way.
But how far would you go....Here's a story of fact......or is it fiction? You be the judge.

Living on the Farm isn't all that bad for a city boy.....
I have a 4000 sq foot shop for all my cars and trucks and she has a barn for all of her nags.
Parked in my shop is my pride and joy. My old ZR1 and a brand new John Deere three cylinder diesel with a loader and a six foot wide blade called a brush hog. It cuts grass or hay.

I have been practicing up to be a redneck for months.
I went out and got a cowboy hat and bib overalls and cowboy boots and I even got a flannel shirt with red and black checkers on it. I have even learned to ride a horse.

Most of the guys chew "cheerie daze" but after trying it and pukeing my guts out I settled for jerky snuff. It comes in a real round can and I can usually load up a plug as big as a golf ball when I meet the other guys down at McDonalds for coffee.
Iv'e been practicing saying things like "reckon" and "much obliged".
I'm making lots of headway and am even begining to smell like one of the locals. A combination of diesel fuel, urine, horse dung and old fashion BO.

Well on to the race story. One morning about 6 am I'm cruzing the pasture back at the fence line when this punk kid come ratteling out of his next door barn on his punk *** Oliver Tractor six banger gas guzzler.
He's been dissin my JD at coffee every morning and puttin down my gas Ford 150.
Everybody in the county, if they are anybody, drives a diesel Ford 4X4 250 or better. There are very few bowties and a handfull of Dodges.

Anyway, I'm greeted with "mornin city boy", a phony hat tip and off he goes with his Oliver and his six foot blade chewing up grass at an alarming rate of 3mph.
Well, I just can't let that go and I know I can catch him but I have to have my blade down and locked, otherwise it would be an obvious foul and would be reported at coffee the next day, "sure as shootin".

Well down goes the blade and my trail of cut grass matches his to a tee. I start to gain. My diesel is pouring out black smoke from my three foot high stack.

The punk on his punk *** Oliver sees this and I see a white puff of smoke from is exaust and his flapper cover stands straight up.
I know he's pouring the coals to it.
We've got at least 3000 feet of pasture before we turn at the fence line so I push my diesel up to redline at 2500 rpm.
I have to be carful now as I powershift DOWN a gear as the grass get's thicker. No chance for a mistake. The power takeoff is touchy at this RPM and it's easy to blow a shear pin on the brush hog.

That would be like blowing a power shift at the drags. Lot's of razzing and putdowns would follow.
As I pull up next to him I reach down to my custom John Deere, yellow and green cup holder and my flaggon of ice tea.
A quick sip and the cup go's back in the holder faster than Johnnie Cash could switch harmonicas.
I'm at least one tractor length ahead of the punk *** kid at the end of the row.

Now's the tricky part. Another power downshift and I reach back and drop out of four wheel to make my turn.
I'ts muddy and I start to spin but I reach back to the axel lock for the back wheels and regain my momentem. Out of the turn I still have my lead and continue to gain.
The kid slows down at the fence line. A clear victory.
I now enjoy newfound respect at McDonalds and I am finally blending in with the local gentry.
A fellow from Seattle has bought the farm three doors down from us.
He came by the other day and I'm taking him under my wing.
He want's to know what kind of tractor to get and I think he came to the right guy.

You guys may think this BS but I park my John Deere right next to my old ZR1. My wife thinks I should paint my vette green and yellow just like my JD.

Fact or Fiction? You might be surprised at how much fact and how much fiction.


Yawl take care..


(hope this didn't make anyone sick)

pwr2w8

I vote it's a fact that you still own your ZR-1.

Great story. "city boy"

koolkoreanked

hmmmmmmmm I think he sold the ZR-1 if I remember from one of his other stories. Not too sure about the horse either. lol blah I dont know.

x phantom x

iTrader: (14)

This entire paragraph is one of the funniest things I've heard in a long time .... !!!
.

BBQLS1

Funny. Write a book.

Diolar Magnum

i RECKON it all could've happened, minus the black and red checkered flannel. thats was too much for me.

4000 sqft shop

Brad

generalchaos

lol your full of it. we all know farmers dont have computers and teh intarweb.

But you really should go write a book.

silverbeast

iTrader: (16)

Well i feel your pain. I am a farm boy that grew up on about a 400 acre farm and we've had around 60 horses at one time or another and over twice that many cows. There was chickens,goats,pigs,2 deer,sheep, and about everything else you can think of as well.Now i have a wife that will always have horses and i just bought a new Kubota 4x4 tractor w/ a loader and i am about to build a new barn. So all that gets in the way of my go fast mods but hell, you have to keep the women happy or you will never get any peace. If the story is a fact then you will have a happy retirement. There is nothing like farming and there never will be.

ls1fbod

not sure...ummm Fact?

2 FASST SS

Fact or Fiction. This man can write a story. I find myself checking the board lately to see what he has posted. I think you should write a book dogtag. Very well written stories.

StrokerAce03

iTrader: (7)

As a blueberry farmer during the summer and a full-time redneck, I have to say that it is refreshing to hear a farm story once in a while, 'fact or fiction.' I used to run a 7400 JD and will run close to 30. Come to think of it, your story does kinda sound like an episode of "Green Acres."

baldurann

iTrader: (15)

That story was badass. You should write a book or something.

PA Z06

Pretty funny