Stroker396@APF

iTrader: (18)

You may have heard it already, but still funny.

>>> Ethel was a bit of a demon in her wheelchair, and loved to charge
>>> around the nursing home, taking corners on one wheel and getting up
>>> to maximum speed on the long corridors.
>>>
>>> Because the poor woman was one sandwich short of a picnic the other
>>> residents tolerated her and some of them actually joined in.
>>>
>>> One day Ethel was speeding up one corridor when a door opened and
>>> Kooky Clarence stepped out with his arm outstretched. "STOP!," he
>>> shouted in a firm voice. "Have you got a license for that thing?"
>>>
>>>
>>> Ethel fished around in her handbag and pulled out a Kit Kat wrapper
>>> and held it up to him. "OK" he said, and away Ethel sped down the
>>> hall.
>>>
>>> As she took the corner near the TV lounge on one wheel, weird Harold
>>> popped out in front of her and shouted "STOP! Have you got proof of
>>> insurance?" Ethel dug into her handbag, pulled out a drink coaster
>>> and held it up to him. Harold nodded and said "On your way, Ma'am."
>>>
>>> As Ethel neared the final corridor, Crazy Craig stepped out in front
>>> of her, Butt-Naked, and holding his "You-Know- What" in his hand.
>>>
>>> "Oh, good grief," yelled Ethel, "Not that Damn Breathalyzer Test
>>> again!!!"
>>>

geovett

iTrader: (53)

^^^^^^^haahahahaha

Stroker396@APF

iTrader: (18)

Anyone else got one? Need a new one for today.

hlaalu

iTrader: (3)

hahaha

hlaalu

iTrader: (3)

Bill Gates wanted to look good and impress everyone with his success. He decided to measure the accomplishments of Microsoft against General Motors. The comparison went like this: If automotive technology had kept pace with computer technology over the past few decades, you would now be driving a V-32 instead of a V-8, and it would have a top speed of 10,000 miles per hour. Or you could have an economy car that weighs 30 pounds and gets a thousand miles to a gallon of gas. In either case the sticker price of a new car would be less than $50. In response to all this goading, GM responds: "Yes, but would you really want to drive a car that crashes twice a day?

LT Chevyboy

iTrader: (1)

Guy walks into a bar with a giraffe, takes a seat at the bar. Asks the bartender for a drink for himself and his giraffe. They take their drinks and once the giraffe is finished, it falls over on its side, right onto the floor. The guy just gets up and starts to walk out. The bartender looks up at him and says "hey, you can't leave that lyin there!!" The guy says "it's not a lion, its a giraffe!!!"

Dull I know, but it's all I could come up with

McNord

iTrader: (1)

Why do divers fall backward off of the side of the boat?

because if they fell forward, they would fall into the boat!

Dyno Don

Subject: ~ The Ride ~

A man riding his Harley was riding along a California beach when suddenly the sky
clouded above his head and in a booming voice the Lord said,

"Because you have tried to be faithful to me in all ways, I will grant you one wish."

The biker pulled over and said, 'Build a bridge to Hawaii so I can ride over anytime I want.'

The Lord said, 'Your request is materialistic, think of the enormous challenges for that kind
of undertaking; the supports required reaching the bottom of the Pacific and the concrete
and steel it would take! It will nearly exhaust several natural resources. I can do it, but it is
hard for me to justify your desire for worldly things.
Take a little more time and think of something that could possibly help mankind.'

The biker thought about it for a long time.............

Finally, he said, 'Lord, I wish that I and all men could understand women;
I want to know how she feels inside,
what she's thinking when she gives me the silent treatment,
why she cries,
what she means when she says nothings wrong,
and how I can make a woman truly happy?'

The Lord replied,


"You want two lanes or four on that bridge?"

geovett

iTrader: (53)

^^^^^ahahahaaaha so true!!!!

MrElectric03

iTrader: (71)

This ones a little long...but funny.

The Vaseline Corvette

One day a mans driving through the countryside and he sees I sign, "1968 Corvette $1000". He cant pass it up and follows the sign to a house. He pulls up to see a perfect Red stingray. He asks "Whats wrong with it?". Farmer replys "Nothing, except it runs on vaseline instead of gas". The man gived him a strange look and the owner replys "Just take it for a test drive and see what you think...be carefull its low on vaseline"

So the guys takes it out and it runs perfect. Flys around topping over 100 mph, but the car soon sputters and shuts off.

Meanwhile at a nearby farmhouse a farmer and his family have just finished dinner, and are discussing who will do the dishes. After a while the farmer says "Here is what we wil do, we will sit in the living room and the first person to speak has to do the dishes". So they all go sit down.

The Driver walks up to the farmhouse and notices the family sitting in the living room, so he knocks. No reply. He walks in and says "excuse me but my car ran out of fuel". No reply. He notices the leftovers on the kitchen table and says, "does anyone mind if I have some food?" No reply so he helps himself to dinner and beer in the fridge.

He walks out and notices the farmers daughter giving him the eye. He says "Hey farmer, how about I take your daughter and have my way with her?" No reply so he takes her up stairs. Soon he walks back down and says, " Well your wife is next...you dont mind do you farmer?". No reply so he takes her up stairs.

He walks back down stairs a bit later. He looks straight at the farmer and says, "Alright farmer, im tired of this. Do you have any vaseline?"

The farmer jumps up and runs into the kitchen screaming ,"Alright Ill do the damn dishes!"

Stroker396@APF

iTrader: (18)

I call this one Women Drivers (its a visual)





And the Cue de Gra "the Annual Meeting of Women Drivers"