ChopperDoc

I’m very thankful this thanksgiving, to be home with my family. The only problem I guess is it doesn’t seem normal anymore to actually be home. I spent over 9 years overseas, and my wife isn’t even American. So here I sit now, drinking, alone, again, at almost 2am.

Does anyone else feel this way around the holidays? It’s almost like an I’m damned if I do I’m damned if I don’t type of situation. Sucks to be gone during the holidays, but being home doesn’t seem much better anymore.

Please, someone tell me I’m crazy because I certainly feel like I could be considered crazy. Or maybe I just don’t value the holidays as much as everyone else does anymore? I don’t know.

I know this post is not car related, but to make it more “related” I’ll say: my car also seems to bring me less joy than it used to, and it’s always needing something. Can’t seem to win, I don’t even properly acknowledge people that compliment my car anymore.

Seriously though, tell me I’m not alone in this. War was a simpler time. Really though.

AgFormula02

iTrader: (13)

One day at a time man. One step at a time. One bite at a time.
Life is all about change. Peaks and valleys.

Life can seem easier when you have a full schedule and someone else tells you what to do, where to go, etc etc. Takes a while when that “structure” is gone for things to settle.

Don’t expect holidays today to be like the ones from the past. There were likely better ones back then.

but there are also MUCH better ones coming in the future. You just have to survive the funk.

ChopperDoc

Thank you, I appreciate the response. I’m still in, and it’s getting awful. We have no war to fight, so now we fight ourselves.

I know one day at a time. I’m just saying **** isn’t the same anymore. I’d almost prefer to be down range laying down hate somewhere. I don’t know why. 20 years and going and I don’t know ******* why.

Jon@BruteSpeed

iTrader: (3)

I understand the feeling, it's normal - we all feel it, been in for over 33 years and plan to finally hang it up next year. Without constant deployment rotation life seems to have stopped. I'm getting some of my old cars out just to keep from going crazy myself. Hang in there brother

Rob M

iTrader: (1)

I can relate as well (15 active, 3+ now in the TXANG). Holidays to me, when I was active (especially single) was basically just free time off (for better or worse). The deployment schedule of "yesteryear" (i.e. the Bush/Obama era) did kinda keep us all on a consistent ops tempo and "life schedule" to a point. Two things to consider though in your situation:

A) It may feel "off" or whatever in your current situation but consider what you said, about your wife. Consider how She may be feeling as well, being halfway around the world (esp around the holidays) and far from her own family....just food for thought.

Now the other consideration the whole no war to fight thing...

B)Maybe ya ought to move to TX and join the ARNG or ANG lol, you can come down here to border with the rest of us and fight this "war". It truly is a mission of protecting the homeland. It sucks being away from home on this TDY but it seems to carry a fulfilling sense of purpose for sure unlike some deployments where I'm sure we've all thought "what the hell are we even doing here?!?" lol

the_merv

iTrader: (88)

I was active duty USAF Fire Fighter for a hair under 10 years. Never married, no kids. We worked every other day regardless, 24 hr shift, so holidays were just a slow day for us. I was in 2001-2011. Got out and went to College for my BSMET degree.

I did 4 deployments to Iraq, was over for all the major holidays at one point or another. Stateside never got time off for holidays because the shitbag Shift NCO at the time took it upon himself and decided that me putting in for leave first for my reasons was not as important as someone with a family here on station so I got bumped. I took that **** to the Shirt and won, then I made rank and eventually was the Shift NCO. Even then I was single because that's just how it is when you are in Iraq all the time, so I gave the leave to the guys who asked for it first in order, as it should be, I had nowhere to be so I covered spots for some of my guys.

I absolutely do not miss the military, mainly for the punks that are nutless who hide behind rank because that is the only thing they have accomplished in life. I did more in 10 than most would ever do in 20+. I have friends in who are retiring with their 20yrs in soon and they absolutely fckn hate it. It doesn't help the **** in DC that is "incharge".

ChopperDoc

Totally agree with the rank thing. I’m up there pretty high, but not high enough to not feel the steaming piles they drop on us from higher. I will never hide behind my rank. I may enforce it to ensure discipline within the ranks, as required, but I won’t hide either if there is a legitimate fight to be had. I’d rather take the rank off and go out back then get shot in the back because someone is butthurt for being held accountable. That’s actually part of the enforcement part, and needed among men sometimes. I’ve fought my soldiers in the past that challenged me. Win or lose you gain a lot of respect by accepting that offer. I didn’t lose though lol. I’m getting kind of old for that stuff now, but I always put it on the table, as a peace offering.

Normally I’m not so horrid as to have my soldiers want to fight me. But there are a few “special ones” you’ll get if you stay in long enough that just like to fight the system. For the most part, my folks love working for me because I’m open and honest and hold nothing back. I also bend the standards to suit our mission, and try to protect my guys. That’s what rank is about. Absorbing heat rounds for your people. Protecting them. If they know you are doing that, they’ll do damn near anything for you.

Im married of course now, with 2 small kids, otherwise on Christmas I’d gladly take that heat round for my guys. However, considering I’ve already missed about 3/4 of my sons life so far and about 1/2 my daughters, I simply won’t at this point. Am I wrong though? Most of the guys we put on these duties haven’t been in long enough for that to even be a reality. I’ve got to draw the line somewhere with how much I give to the army and take from my family.

Also not a big fan of the guy in charge atm. Had the secret service in our area recently, one of them even said that the possible reason he didn’t go to the army navy game might of been that he didn’t want to hear the “Let’s go Brandon” chants… lmao. Accurate though. I may not like who’s in it, but at the end of the day, I still have to serve the office. Sometimes I can also like who’s in it too, which is nice. It’s the same with any job I suppose.

I do feel “off” but really just because I’ve never made the holidays a big deal. Maybe when I was a kid, but now I couldn’t care less. The point was simply it all seems to be something else so many value, and I feel weird for not sharing the sentiment.

I obviously try to make sure my kids have a great time, and wife too, but as for me I’m just “meh” about it. I buy everything I need when I need it, so I’m an absolute nightmare when someone asks me what I want for Christmas, or whatever holiday. If they know me, they also know how much I have, and are afraid to buy stuff at risk of me already having that tool, weapon, trinket, instrument, etc… Ammo is always good though lol. I never turn that down lol.

the_merv

iTrader: (88)

That's exactly it right there, self preservation, and the fact that time is the most valuable thing we have. Definitely make the family a priority over the bullshit. I covered for my guys that had families because I had no where to be so I gave them the time off and when I needed something they were there to help me.

Yea my GF gets on my *** about buying things when I need them, usually broken tools lol I'm like I need this now, can't really do without it. Can't find any ammo here to even buy it so that's out of the question but yea I'll definitely take that.