Joke for Wednesday!
Thread Starter
TECH Junkie
Joined: Aug 2002
Posts: 3,726
Likes: 0
From: Fort Collins, CO
Joke for Wednesday! An 80-year-old man went to his doctor for his annual check-up. The doctor asks him how he’s feeling. The 80-year-old said, "I've never felt better. I now have a 20-year-old bride who is pregnant with my child. What do you think about that?"
The doctor considered his question for a minute then noted, "I have an older friend, much like you, who is an avid trophy hunter and never misses a season. One day, when he was going out hunting, he was in a bit of a hurry and accidentally picked up his walking cane instead of his gun. When he got to the creek, he saw a prime beaver sitting beside the stream. He raised his cane and went Bang! Bang! Suddenly, two shots rang out and the beaver fell over dead. What do you think of that?"
The 80-year-old said, "I’d say somebody else pumped a couple of rounds into that beaver." The doctor replied, "My point exactly...
The doctor considered his question for a minute then noted, "I have an older friend, much like you, who is an avid trophy hunter and never misses a season. One day, when he was going out hunting, he was in a bit of a hurry and accidentally picked up his walking cane instead of his gun. When he got to the creek, he saw a prime beaver sitting beside the stream. He raised his cane and went Bang! Bang! Suddenly, two shots rang out and the beaver fell over dead. What do you think of that?"
The 80-year-old said, "I’d say somebody else pumped a couple of rounds into that beaver." The doctor replied, "My point exactly...
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Verdad Gallardo Thread Starter
TECH Junkie
Joined: Aug 2002
Posts: 3,726
Likes: 0
From: Fort Collins, CO
A young guy from Missouri moves to Florida and goes to a big
"everything under the roof department store" looking for a job.
The manager says " Do you have any sales experience?"
The kid says " Yeah, I was a salesman back home in Missouri."
Well, the boss liked the kid so he gave him the job.
"You start tomorrow, I'll come down after we close and see how you
did."
His first day on the job was rough but he got through it.
After the store was locked up, the boss came down, "How many sales did
you make today?"
The kid says "one."
The boss says, "just one?!! Our sales people average 20 to 30 sales a
day!
How much was the sale for?"
The kid says " $101,237.64"
The boss says, "$101,23764? WHAT THE HELL DID YOU SELL?"
Kid says, " First I sold him a small fish hook, then I sold him a
medium fish hook, then I sold him a larger fish hook, then I sold him a
new fishing rod, then I asked him where he was going fishing and he said
down at the coast, so I told him he was gonna need a boat, so we went
down to the boat department and I sold him that twin engine Chris Craft.
Then he said he didn't think his Honda Civic would pull it, so I took
him down to the automotive department and sold him that 4x4
Expedition."
The boss said, " A guy came in here to buy a fish hook and you sold him
a BOAT AND A TRUCK??"
The kid says, " No, he came in here to buy a box of tampons for his
wife and I said, "Well, your weekend's shot, you might as well go
fishing.."
"everything under the roof department store" looking for a job.
The manager says " Do you have any sales experience?"
The kid says " Yeah, I was a salesman back home in Missouri."
Well, the boss liked the kid so he gave him the job.
"You start tomorrow, I'll come down after we close and see how you
did."
His first day on the job was rough but he got through it.
After the store was locked up, the boss came down, "How many sales did
you make today?"
The kid says "one."
The boss says, "just one?!! Our sales people average 20 to 30 sales a
day!
How much was the sale for?"
The kid says " $101,237.64"
The boss says, "$101,23764? WHAT THE HELL DID YOU SELL?"
Kid says, " First I sold him a small fish hook, then I sold him a
medium fish hook, then I sold him a larger fish hook, then I sold him a
new fishing rod, then I asked him where he was going fishing and he said
down at the coast, so I told him he was gonna need a boat, so we went
down to the boat department and I sold him that twin engine Chris Craft.
Then he said he didn't think his Honda Civic would pull it, so I took
him down to the automotive department and sold him that 4x4
Expedition."
The boss said, " A guy came in here to buy a fish hook and you sold him
a BOAT AND A TRUCK??"
The kid says, " No, he came in here to buy a box of tampons for his
wife and I said, "Well, your weekend's shot, you might as well go
fishing.."
Thread Starter
TECH Junkie
Joined: Aug 2002
Posts: 3,726
Likes: 0
From: Fort Collins, CO
Sunday Morning Sex...
Upon hearing that her elderly grandfather had just passed away, Katie went straight to her grandparent's house to visit her 95-year-old grandmother and comfort her. When she asked how her grandfather had died,
her grandmother replied, He had a heart attack while we were making love on Sunday Morning."
Horrified, Katie told her grandmother that 2 people nearly 100 years old having sex would surely be asking for trouble.
"Oh no, my dear," replied granny. "Many years ago, realizing our advanced age, we figured out the best time to do it was when the church bells would start to ring It was just the right rhythm. Nice and slow and even...
Nothing too strenuous, simply in on the Ding and out on the Dong."
She paused to wipe away a tear, and continued, "He'd still be alive if the ice cream truck hadn't come along.
Upon hearing that her elderly grandfather had just passed away, Katie went straight to her grandparent's house to visit her 95-year-old grandmother and comfort her. When she asked how her grandfather had died,
her grandmother replied, He had a heart attack while we were making love on Sunday Morning."
Horrified, Katie told her grandmother that 2 people nearly 100 years old having sex would surely be asking for trouble.
"Oh no, my dear," replied granny. "Many years ago, realizing our advanced age, we figured out the best time to do it was when the church bells would start to ring It was just the right rhythm. Nice and slow and even...
Nothing too strenuous, simply in on the Ding and out on the Dong."
She paused to wipe away a tear, and continued, "He'd still be alive if the ice cream truck hadn't come along.
Thread Starter
TECH Junkie
Joined: Aug 2002
Posts: 3,726
Likes: 0
From: Fort Collins, CO
A man in a hot air balloon realized he was lost. He reduced altitude and spotted a man below. He escended a bit more and shouted, "Excuse me, can you help me? I promised a friend I would meet him an hour ago, but I don't know where I am."
The man below replied, "You are in a hot air balloon hovering approximately 30 feet above the ground. You are between 40 and 41 degrees north latitude and between 59 and 60 degrees west longitude."
"You must be an engineer," said the balloonist.
"I am," replied the man, "How did you know?"
"Well," answered the balloonist, "everything you told me is technically correct, but I have no idea what to make of your information, and the fact is I am still lost. Frankly, you've not been much help so far."
The man below responded, "You must be a manager."
"I am," replied the balloonist, "but how did you know?"
"Well," said the man, "you don't know where you are or where you are going. You have risen to where you are due to a large quantity of hot air. You made a promise, which you have no idea how to keep, and you expect me to solve your problem. The fact is you are in exactly the same position you were in before we met, but now, somehow, it's my fault."
The man below replied, "You are in a hot air balloon hovering approximately 30 feet above the ground. You are between 40 and 41 degrees north latitude and between 59 and 60 degrees west longitude."
"You must be an engineer," said the balloonist.
"I am," replied the man, "How did you know?"
"Well," answered the balloonist, "everything you told me is technically correct, but I have no idea what to make of your information, and the fact is I am still lost. Frankly, you've not been much help so far."
The man below responded, "You must be a manager."
"I am," replied the balloonist, "but how did you know?"
"Well," said the man, "you don't know where you are or where you are going. You have risen to where you are due to a large quantity of hot air. You made a promise, which you have no idea how to keep, and you expect me to solve your problem. The fact is you are in exactly the same position you were in before we met, but now, somehow, it's my fault."
