Joke Of The Day
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From: lewisville
Joke Of The Day A little boy was sitting on the curb with a gallon of
turpentine and shaking it up and watching all the
bubbles. A little while later a Priest came along and
asked the little boy what he had. The little boy
replied, "This is the most powerful liquid in the
world, it's called turpentine." The Priest said, "No,
the most powerful liquid in the world is Holy Water.
If you take some of this Holy Water and rub it on a
pregnant women's belly, she'll pass a healthy baby."
The little boy replied, "You take some of this here
turpentine and rub it on a cat's Butt and he'll pass a
Harley Davidson."
turpentine and shaking it up and watching all the
bubbles. A little while later a Priest came along and
asked the little boy what he had. The little boy
replied, "This is the most powerful liquid in the
world, it's called turpentine." The Priest said, "No,
the most powerful liquid in the world is Holy Water.
If you take some of this Holy Water and rub it on a
pregnant women's belly, she'll pass a healthy baby."
The little boy replied, "You take some of this here
turpentine and rub it on a cat's Butt and he'll pass a
Harley Davidson."
A young man joined the army and signed up with the paratroopers. He went through the standard training, completed the practice jumps from
igher and higher structures, and finally went to take his first jump from
an airplane. The next day, he called home to tell his father the news.
"So, did you jump?" asked the father.
"Well, let me tell you what happened," the son said."We got up in
the plane, and the sergeant opened up the door and asked
for volunteers. About a dozen men got up and just walked out of the
plane.'
"Is that when you jumped?" asked his father.
"Uh, no. The sergeant started to grab the other men one at a time and
throw them out the door."
"Did you jump then?" asked his father
"I'm getting to that. Everyone else had jumped, and I was the last
man left on the plane. I told the sergeant that I was too scared to jump.
He told me to get off the plane or he'd kick my butt."
"So, did you jump?"
"No. He tried to push me out of the plane, but I grabbed onto the door and refused to go. Finally he called over the Jump
Master. The Jump Master is this great big guy, about six-foot five, and
250 pounds. He said to me, 'Are you gonna jump or not?'"
"I said, 'No sir, I'm too scared.' So the Jump Master pulled down
his zipper and took out his you-know-what. I swear,dad, it was about
ten inches long and big around as a baseball bat! He said, 'Either
you jump out that door, or I'm sticking this little baby up your ***.'"
"So, did you jump?" asked his father.
"Well, a little, at first."
igher and higher structures, and finally went to take his first jump from
an airplane. The next day, he called home to tell his father the news.
"So, did you jump?" asked the father.
"Well, let me tell you what happened," the son said."We got up in
the plane, and the sergeant opened up the door and asked
for volunteers. About a dozen men got up and just walked out of the
plane.'
"Is that when you jumped?" asked his father.
"Uh, no. The sergeant started to grab the other men one at a time and
throw them out the door."
"Did you jump then?" asked his father
"I'm getting to that. Everyone else had jumped, and I was the last
man left on the plane. I told the sergeant that I was too scared to jump.
He told me to get off the plane or he'd kick my butt."
"So, did you jump?"
"No. He tried to push me out of the plane, but I grabbed onto the door and refused to go. Finally he called over the Jump
Master. The Jump Master is this great big guy, about six-foot five, and
250 pounds. He said to me, 'Are you gonna jump or not?'"
"I said, 'No sir, I'm too scared.' So the Jump Master pulled down
his zipper and took out his you-know-what. I swear,dad, it was about
ten inches long and big around as a baseball bat! He said, 'Either
you jump out that door, or I'm sticking this little baby up your ***.'"
"So, did you jump?" asked his father.
"Well, a little, at first."
A Professor was giving a lecture on "Involuntary Muscular Contractions" to
his first year medical students.
Realizing that this was not the most riveting subject, the Professor
decided to lighten the mood slightly.
He pointed to a young woman in the front row and said, "Do you know what
your *** hole is doing while you're having an orgasm?"
She replied, "More than likely playing golf or drinking with his buddies."
his first year medical students.
Realizing that this was not the most riveting subject, the Professor
decided to lighten the mood slightly.
He pointed to a young woman in the front row and said, "Do you know what
your *** hole is doing while you're having an orgasm?"
She replied, "More than likely playing golf or drinking with his buddies."
Lady walks into an ice cream parlor on a hot day.
"I'd like a gallon of chocolate ice cream", she says.
"I'm sorry ma'am, but we've had a run on chocolate in this weather and we just ran out. We've got 30 other flavours, so please pick one of them." replied the clerk.
"Oh well, I guess I'll just have a quart of chocolate then."
"Ma'am, perhaps you didn't hear me. We are completely out of chocolate ice cream, but I'll be happy to sell you another flavour."
"Oh. Better make it just a pint of chocolate then."
The clerk has had enough at this point and asks, "Listen, lady, spell the 'VAN' in 'vanilla'."
The lady is puzzled, but replies "V-A-N".
"OK, now spell the 'STRAW' in 'strawberry'. he says.
She slowly replies, "S-T-R-A-W", still not sure what he's up to.
"OK, now spell the "F.CK" in 'chocolate'."
She looks at him and says, "There's no 'f.ck' in chocolate!'
He shouts back, "That's what I'm tryin to tell you, lady! There's no f.ckin chocolate!"
"I'd like a gallon of chocolate ice cream", she says.
"I'm sorry ma'am, but we've had a run on chocolate in this weather and we just ran out. We've got 30 other flavours, so please pick one of them." replied the clerk.
"Oh well, I guess I'll just have a quart of chocolate then."
"Ma'am, perhaps you didn't hear me. We are completely out of chocolate ice cream, but I'll be happy to sell you another flavour."
"Oh. Better make it just a pint of chocolate then."
The clerk has had enough at this point and asks, "Listen, lady, spell the 'VAN' in 'vanilla'."
The lady is puzzled, but replies "V-A-N".
"OK, now spell the 'STRAW' in 'strawberry'. he says.
She slowly replies, "S-T-R-A-W", still not sure what he's up to.
"OK, now spell the "F.CK" in 'chocolate'."
She looks at him and says, "There's no 'f.ck' in chocolate!'
He shouts back, "That's what I'm tryin to tell you, lady! There's no f.ckin chocolate!"
