Ten Best Tools of All Time
10-06-2005, 07:57 PM
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Staging Lane
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Ten Best Tools of All Time If you have seen this before, don't worry, others haven't.
Forget the Snap-On Tools truck; it has never been there when you need it.
Besides there are only ten things in this world you need to fix any car,
any place, any time.
1. Duct Tape
Not just a tool, a veritable Swiss Army knife in stickum and plastic. It's
safety wire, body material, radiator hose, upholstery, insulation, tow
rope, and more--in an easy to carry package. Sure, there's prejudice
surrounding duct tape in concourse competitions, but in the real world,
everything from Le Mans-winning Porsches to Atlas rockets use it by the
yard. The only thing that can get you out of more scrapes is a quarter and
a phone booth.
2. Vise Grips
Equally adept as a wrench, hammer, pliers, baling wire twister, breaker-off
of frozen bolts and wiggle-it-til-it-falls-off tool. The heavy artillery of
your tool box, vise grips are the only tool designed expressly to fix
things screwed up beyond repair.
3. Spray Lubricants
A considerably cheaper alternative to new doors, alternator, and other
squeaky items. Slicker than pig phlegm, repeated soakings will allow the
main hull bolts of the Andrea Doria to be removed by hand. Strangely
enough, an integral part of these sprays is the infamous Little Red Tube
that flies out of the nozzle if you look at it cross eyed (one of the ten
worst tools of all time).
4. Margarine Tubs with Clear Lids
If you spend all your time under the hood looking for a frendle pin that
caromed off the pertal valve when you knocked both off the air cleaner,
it's because you eat butter. Real mechanics consume pounds of tasteless
vegetable oil replicas just so they can use the empty tubs for parts
containers afterward. (Some, of course, chuck the butter-colored goo
altogether or use it to repack wheel bearings.) Unlike air cleaners and
radiator lips, margarine tubs aren't connected by a time/space wormhole to
the Parallel Universe of Lost Frendle Pins.
5. Big Rock at the Side of the Road
Block up a tire. Smack corroded battery terminals. Pound out a dent. Bop
noisy know-it-all types on the noodle. Scientists have yet to develop a
hammer that packs the raw banging power of granite or limestone. This is
the only tool with which a "Made in Malaysia" emblem is not synonymous with
the user's maiming.
6. Plastic Zip Ties
After 20 years of lashing down stray hose and wiring with old bread ties,
some genius brought a slightly slicked-up version to the auto parts market.
Fifteen zip ties can transform a hulking mass of amateur-quality wiring
from a working model of the Brazilian Rain Forest into something remotely
resembling a wiring harness. Of course it works both ways. When buying a
used car, subtract $100 for each zip tie under the hood.
7. Ridiculously Large Craftsman Screwdriver
Let's admit it. There's nothing better for prying, chiseling, lifting,
breaking, splitting or mutilating than a huge flat-bladed screwdriver,
particularly when wielded with gusto and a big hammer. This is also the
tool of choice for all filters so insanely located that they can only be
removed by driving a stake in one side and out the other. If you break the
screwdriver--and you will just like Dad and your shop teacher said--who
cares, it has a lifetime guarantee.
8. Baling Wire
Commonly known as MG muffler brackets, baling wire holds anything that's
too hot for tape or ties. Like duct tape, it's not recommended for concourse
contenders, since it works so well you'll never need to replace it with the
right thing again. Baling wire is a sentimental favorite in some circles,
particularly with the MG, Triumph, and flathead Ford set.
9. Bonking Stick
This monstrous tuning fork with devilish pointy ends is technically known
as a tie-rod separator, but how often do you separate tie-rod ends? Once
every decade if you're lucky. Other than medieval combat, its real use is
the all-purpose application of undue force, not unlike that of the huge
flat-bladed screwdriver. Nature doesn't know the bent metal panel or frozen
exhaust pipe that can stand up to a good bonking stick. (Can also be use to
separate tie-rod ends in a pinch, of course, but does a lousy job of it).
10. A Quarter and a Phone Booth
See tip #1 above.
Forget the Snap-On Tools truck; it has never been there when you need it.
Besides there are only ten things in this world you need to fix any car,
any place, any time.
1. Duct Tape
Not just a tool, a veritable Swiss Army knife in stickum and plastic. It's
safety wire, body material, radiator hose, upholstery, insulation, tow
rope, and more--in an easy to carry package. Sure, there's prejudice
surrounding duct tape in concourse competitions, but in the real world,
everything from Le Mans-winning Porsches to Atlas rockets use it by the
yard. The only thing that can get you out of more scrapes is a quarter and
a phone booth.
2. Vise Grips
Equally adept as a wrench, hammer, pliers, baling wire twister, breaker-off
of frozen bolts and wiggle-it-til-it-falls-off tool. The heavy artillery of
your tool box, vise grips are the only tool designed expressly to fix
things screwed up beyond repair.
3. Spray Lubricants
A considerably cheaper alternative to new doors, alternator, and other
squeaky items. Slicker than pig phlegm, repeated soakings will allow the
main hull bolts of the Andrea Doria to be removed by hand. Strangely
enough, an integral part of these sprays is the infamous Little Red Tube
that flies out of the nozzle if you look at it cross eyed (one of the ten
worst tools of all time).
4. Margarine Tubs with Clear Lids
If you spend all your time under the hood looking for a frendle pin that
caromed off the pertal valve when you knocked both off the air cleaner,
it's because you eat butter. Real mechanics consume pounds of tasteless
vegetable oil replicas just so they can use the empty tubs for parts
containers afterward. (Some, of course, chuck the butter-colored goo
altogether or use it to repack wheel bearings.) Unlike air cleaners and
radiator lips, margarine tubs aren't connected by a time/space wormhole to
the Parallel Universe of Lost Frendle Pins.
5. Big Rock at the Side of the Road
Block up a tire. Smack corroded battery terminals. Pound out a dent. Bop
noisy know-it-all types on the noodle. Scientists have yet to develop a
hammer that packs the raw banging power of granite or limestone. This is
the only tool with which a "Made in Malaysia" emblem is not synonymous with
the user's maiming.
6. Plastic Zip Ties
After 20 years of lashing down stray hose and wiring with old bread ties,
some genius brought a slightly slicked-up version to the auto parts market.
Fifteen zip ties can transform a hulking mass of amateur-quality wiring
from a working model of the Brazilian Rain Forest into something remotely
resembling a wiring harness. Of course it works both ways. When buying a
used car, subtract $100 for each zip tie under the hood.
7. Ridiculously Large Craftsman Screwdriver
Let's admit it. There's nothing better for prying, chiseling, lifting,
breaking, splitting or mutilating than a huge flat-bladed screwdriver,
particularly when wielded with gusto and a big hammer. This is also the
tool of choice for all filters so insanely located that they can only be
removed by driving a stake in one side and out the other. If you break the
screwdriver--and you will just like Dad and your shop teacher said--who
cares, it has a lifetime guarantee.
8. Baling Wire
Commonly known as MG muffler brackets, baling wire holds anything that's
too hot for tape or ties. Like duct tape, it's not recommended for concourse
contenders, since it works so well you'll never need to replace it with the
right thing again. Baling wire is a sentimental favorite in some circles,
particularly with the MG, Triumph, and flathead Ford set.
9. Bonking Stick
This monstrous tuning fork with devilish pointy ends is technically known
as a tie-rod separator, but how often do you separate tie-rod ends? Once
every decade if you're lucky. Other than medieval combat, its real use is
the all-purpose application of undue force, not unlike that of the huge
flat-bladed screwdriver. Nature doesn't know the bent metal panel or frozen
exhaust pipe that can stand up to a good bonking stick. (Can also be use to
separate tie-rod ends in a pinch, of course, but does a lousy job of it).
10. A Quarter and a Phone Booth
See tip #1 above.
10-07-2005, 08:54 PM
#5
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Originally Posted by GM Muscle
Reversable ratcheting wrenches are the best. I lost my 10mm last week and I'm still upset about it.
I need to get a set of those bad.
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I hadn't seen that before. 
10-15-2005, 09:28 AM
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I have a lot of tools Love my tools. Mostly all Craftsman. Ol' lady got me the gold plated sets for fathers day. Socket set AND the wrenches.
Favorite tool: CO2 Laser cutter, the big one..........
Most used tools on any day: Stanley tape measure and Digital calipers
Favorite tool: CO2 Laser cutter, the big one..........
Most used tools on any day: Stanley tape measure and Digital calipers
10-17-2005, 04:43 AM
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Originally Posted by Phoenix57
the cheeta pipe has always been my freind. gives the leverage to break loose stubborn bolts, and can also double as a hammer or weapon
It's a true multi-function tool. 
10-18-2005, 05:09 PM
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Originally Posted by Phoenix57
the cheeta pipe has always been my freind. gives the leverage to break loose stubborn bolts, and can also double as a hammer or weapon
yes, 1" diameter lead pipe has myriad uses. everyone should have one.
10-23-2005, 08:34 PM
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My favorites are in order of importance:
My large 3 ft long pry bar,
My 20 lb sledge
and My zip ties
everything else is used when necessary but I couldn't get any major job finished without those 3.
Perry
My large 3 ft long pry bar,
My 20 lb sledge
and My zip ties
everything else is used when necessary but I couldn't get any major job finished without those 3.
Perry