Well I have an old sailor story, Kinda long, But pretty funny.
03-20-2008, 01:10 AM
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Well I have an old sailor story, Kinda long, But pretty funny. If any of you ex military, or active military have any stories, please share. If you guys like this one, and would like to hear some more of my experinces please tell me.
Kind of a spin off. Of the Thread Drilldo's and Wet *****..
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This story is a very true story, nothing in this story is false in anyway...
I was on the USS Nassau stationed out of Norfolk Va. We were on a scheduled cruise a few months after 9-11 happened. This cruise was to be the longest cruise that this ship has ever been on, 9 + months, with a 4 in a half month of underway time, with out hitting land. We spent 276 days under way, and only 19 days on land, the entire cruise. I stood watch down in aft control, as a throttle man. We also had 6 other watches down there.
Well the only female that was in the Engineering plant stood watch the same time as I did, She was a lower level BT (Boiler Tech).
The watch was a 6 on 6 off rotation, and we were 2 hours into our first watch of the day, when MM3 Sailorette,<<Not her real name.. Came into main control, and asked the Engineer of the watch if she could go to the head.
Well beings we were going through the Suiz Canal, we were in RMD (Restricted Moving Doctrine). So not one person was allowed to leave his/her place of watch, for no reason what so ever.
She begged and pleaded to be let go to the head, and the Engineer kept saying no. He finally asked why she had to go to the head so bad, was it a feminine thing, or was it just a normal head call. MM3 Sailorette told him that it was to take a number 2..
So the Chief Engineer said nope, sorry you will have to just hold it until your watch is complete, or we are out of the Canal.
20 minutes had passed, and all of us in the Control room, started to smell a really foul smell coming from the ventilation. As soon as we started to smell it, a Petty officer came through the hatch to get some PQS signed off. And bust through the door laughing hysterically. He wasn't even able to get a word out of his mouth without busting a gut.
Finally after almost 20 minutes of us trying to get what ever it was that was making him laugh out of him. He finally calmed down enough to tell what had happened.
Apparently someone was headed up the ladder well, and **** on the steps. So we all bust out of the control room to see what this guy said was true.
Off course two levels up we find a MM3 Sailorette with a fox tail and a dust pan, trying to scoop what was left of her last nights supper of off none skid. Now if any of your know what none skid is. It is kind of like ryno liner in the back of your truck. But only 20 times worse.
As she is trying to scoop her **** up off the deck, it smeared like peanut butter all over.. She looked up at us with tears rolling down her face, and crying hysterically. We all busted up laughing and headed back down to our watch stations as fast as we could, that way we would not get in trouble for leaving post.
After about 1 hr and 20 minutes she was finally called into main control, and the Chief Engineer started to drill her with questions....
Chief Engineer: Why is there **** on my stairwell?
MM3 Sailorette: Because I told you, I had to go really bad.
Chief Engineer: Well why is it on the stairwell? And not in the Toilet like every other human being would do?
MM3 Sailorette: Because I waited as long as I could, and as I was running up the stairwell, I **** my self. And being it is so hot in here, I don't wear underwear, and the **** ran down my leg and on to the Stairwell.
Chief Engineer: Well MM3, I hope you learned a valuable lesson......
MM3 Sailorette: Oh Sir I did, trust me..
Chief Engineer: Well what lesson is that MM3????
MM3 Sailorette: No matter how hot it is down here, make sure I wear underwear!!!!
All of the 12 people that was crowded in the small space, busted up laughing, and even the Chief Engineer could not hold it back.
By the time we all got off of watch, and went topside to eat, the story had already spread through the ship like wild fire.
I have more stories as well. If you guys don't mind, I will tell them..
Kind of a spin off. Of the Thread Drilldo's and Wet *****..
--------------------------------------------------------------------------
This story is a very true story, nothing in this story is false in anyway...
I was on the USS Nassau stationed out of Norfolk Va. We were on a scheduled cruise a few months after 9-11 happened. This cruise was to be the longest cruise that this ship has ever been on, 9 + months, with a 4 in a half month of underway time, with out hitting land. We spent 276 days under way, and only 19 days on land, the entire cruise. I stood watch down in aft control, as a throttle man. We also had 6 other watches down there.
Well the only female that was in the Engineering plant stood watch the same time as I did, She was a lower level BT (Boiler Tech).
The watch was a 6 on 6 off rotation, and we were 2 hours into our first watch of the day, when MM3 Sailorette,<<Not her real name.. Came into main control, and asked the Engineer of the watch if she could go to the head.
Well beings we were going through the Suiz Canal, we were in RMD (Restricted Moving Doctrine). So not one person was allowed to leave his/her place of watch, for no reason what so ever.
She begged and pleaded to be let go to the head, and the Engineer kept saying no. He finally asked why she had to go to the head so bad, was it a feminine thing, or was it just a normal head call. MM3 Sailorette told him that it was to take a number 2..
So the Chief Engineer said nope, sorry you will have to just hold it until your watch is complete, or we are out of the Canal.
20 minutes had passed, and all of us in the Control room, started to smell a really foul smell coming from the ventilation. As soon as we started to smell it, a Petty officer came through the hatch to get some PQS signed off. And bust through the door laughing hysterically. He wasn't even able to get a word out of his mouth without busting a gut.
Finally after almost 20 minutes of us trying to get what ever it was that was making him laugh out of him. He finally calmed down enough to tell what had happened.
Apparently someone was headed up the ladder well, and **** on the steps. So we all bust out of the control room to see what this guy said was true.
Off course two levels up we find a MM3 Sailorette with a fox tail and a dust pan, trying to scoop what was left of her last nights supper of off none skid. Now if any of your know what none skid is. It is kind of like ryno liner in the back of your truck. But only 20 times worse.
As she is trying to scoop her **** up off the deck, it smeared like peanut butter all over.. She looked up at us with tears rolling down her face, and crying hysterically. We all busted up laughing and headed back down to our watch stations as fast as we could, that way we would not get in trouble for leaving post.
After about 1 hr and 20 minutes she was finally called into main control, and the Chief Engineer started to drill her with questions....
Chief Engineer: Why is there **** on my stairwell?
MM3 Sailorette: Because I told you, I had to go really bad.
Chief Engineer: Well why is it on the stairwell? And not in the Toilet like every other human being would do?
MM3 Sailorette: Because I waited as long as I could, and as I was running up the stairwell, I **** my self. And being it is so hot in here, I don't wear underwear, and the **** ran down my leg and on to the Stairwell.
Chief Engineer: Well MM3, I hope you learned a valuable lesson......
MM3 Sailorette: Oh Sir I did, trust me..
Chief Engineer: Well what lesson is that MM3????
MM3 Sailorette: No matter how hot it is down here, make sure I wear underwear!!!!
All of the 12 people that was crowded in the small space, busted up laughing, and even the Chief Engineer could not hold it back.
By the time we all got off of watch, and went topside to eat, the story had already spread through the ship like wild fire.
I have more stories as well. If you guys don't mind, I will tell them..
03-20-2008, 07:25 PM
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Pretty good!
How about this one...
We had a 1st Class A-ganger who one time sat in his bunkroom in the dark during a day we had Boy Scouts on board for a tour.
He tied a Snickers to a string, threw the candy bar into the the middle of the passageway.
When one of the kids would by he lure them into the bunk room and scare the crap out of him.
The XO kindly asked him to stop.
How about this one...
We had a 1st Class A-ganger who one time sat in his bunkroom in the dark during a day we had Boy Scouts on board for a tour.
He tied a Snickers to a string, threw the candy bar into the the middle of the passageway.
When one of the kids would by he lure them into the bunk room and scare the crap out of him.
The XO kindly asked him to stop.
03-20-2008, 09:11 PM
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We kinda did something like that on a cruise once..
A buddy of mine, and my self were crankin at the time. For those that don't know what cranking is.. Its when you go and work for the cooks for a curtian period of time. All sailors have to do it. Its part of being a newbie on the ship.
Well it was in the afternoon and my friend and I were bored, we just had an unrep (Underway Replentishment). And there were boxes of lobster tails that were in the gally. So we grabbed one, and I went to the MWR Shop and grabbed some fishing line.
We tied the lobster tail up and sat out in the Mess decks, and right were everyone had to cross, there was the Soda and salad bar, we put the lobster tail underneath it, and sat at one of the tables directly across from it.
So when someone would walk by, we would pull the string and this blur of something scary looking crossed under neath there feet, they would jump, scream, yell, cuss, and all sorts of things. We were getting a big kick out of it, and so were the people that we were doing it to. After doing this for about 30 minutes or so, we had a big crowd sittin in the Mess decks. Well our CMC's office was only like 20 or so feet away from were a big crowd was sitting, laughing there asses off, at the peoples reactions on this little prank.
Well the CMC came out of his office and was like what the hell is going on?
Well there was another Chief that was watching this and thought it was a good idea to get the CMC.
This Chief was sitting only like two tables from us, and asked for him to come over there, so he can show him what was going on. Well the only way to get to this Chief, was to walk right were our lobster tail prank was at.
So being the kinda guy that I am, As soon as the CMC walked into possition I pulled the fishing line.
Now mind you, my CMC Was a big guy, I mean he was a good two inches taller than me, and probibly out weighted me by a good 50lbs. He was also an old salty sailor. And was known around the ship, being a tuff guy, and a hard ***.
Well as soon as the lobster tail came into view in front of him, I **** you not, he jumped up on to one of the tables and screamed like a 12 year old school girl. And started cussing like no other.
Well the place busted up with laughter, and he was still screaming, cause I was still pulling on the string, so the lobster tail would move.
After the laughing died down he climbed down off the table walked over to the lobster tail and preceeded to stomp it.. He smashed the **** out of it... ha ha. And after he took his anger and frustration out on it, he grabbed it, and realized there was fishing line attached to it, so he pulled it to see were the string led too.
Of course I am still holding the string, and he sees that I am, his eyes got twice as big as they usually are, and preceeded to chew my ***, bad.... He had veins popping out of his neck and ****. Well after 5 or so minutes of this, he stomped off to his office, and slammed the door, we all busted up laughing again, and even the Chief that helped me pull it off was laughing his *** off.
Well for that little stunt, I ended up having to do 20 hours of EMI, for the CMC. And let me tell you, he made my life a living hell on that ship for the rest of the cruise...
Lol.
A buddy of mine, and my self were crankin at the time. For those that don't know what cranking is.. Its when you go and work for the cooks for a curtian period of time. All sailors have to do it. Its part of being a newbie on the ship.
Well it was in the afternoon and my friend and I were bored, we just had an unrep (Underway Replentishment). And there were boxes of lobster tails that were in the gally. So we grabbed one, and I went to the MWR Shop and grabbed some fishing line.
We tied the lobster tail up and sat out in the Mess decks, and right were everyone had to cross, there was the Soda and salad bar, we put the lobster tail underneath it, and sat at one of the tables directly across from it.
So when someone would walk by, we would pull the string and this blur of something scary looking crossed under neath there feet, they would jump, scream, yell, cuss, and all sorts of things. We were getting a big kick out of it, and so were the people that we were doing it to. After doing this for about 30 minutes or so, we had a big crowd sittin in the Mess decks. Well our CMC's office was only like 20 or so feet away from were a big crowd was sitting, laughing there asses off, at the peoples reactions on this little prank.
Well the CMC came out of his office and was like what the hell is going on?
Well there was another Chief that was watching this and thought it was a good idea to get the CMC.
This Chief was sitting only like two tables from us, and asked for him to come over there, so he can show him what was going on. Well the only way to get to this Chief, was to walk right were our lobster tail prank was at.
So being the kinda guy that I am, As soon as the CMC walked into possition I pulled the fishing line.
Now mind you, my CMC Was a big guy, I mean he was a good two inches taller than me, and probibly out weighted me by a good 50lbs. He was also an old salty sailor. And was known around the ship, being a tuff guy, and a hard ***.
Well as soon as the lobster tail came into view in front of him, I **** you not, he jumped up on to one of the tables and screamed like a 12 year old school girl. And started cussing like no other.
Well the place busted up with laughter, and he was still screaming, cause I was still pulling on the string, so the lobster tail would move.
After the laughing died down he climbed down off the table walked over to the lobster tail and preceeded to stomp it.. He smashed the **** out of it... ha ha. And after he took his anger and frustration out on it, he grabbed it, and realized there was fishing line attached to it, so he pulled it to see were the string led too.
Of course I am still holding the string, and he sees that I am, his eyes got twice as big as they usually are, and preceeded to chew my ***, bad.... He had veins popping out of his neck and ****. Well after 5 or so minutes of this, he stomped off to his office, and slammed the door, we all busted up laughing again, and even the Chief that helped me pull it off was laughing his *** off.
Well for that little stunt, I ended up having to do 20 hours of EMI, for the CMC. And let me tell you, he made my life a living hell on that ship for the rest of the cruise...
Lol.
