Texas Rules
Body: Rules to Enter Texas:
Applies to each person as they enter Texas.
Learn & remember:
East Coast and California-types pay particular attention!


1. Pull your droopy pants up.
You look like an idiot.


2. Let's get this straight; it's called a "gravel road."
I drive a pickup truck because I want to.
No matter how slow you drive, you're going to get dust on your Lexus. Drive it or get out of the way.


3. They are cattle & oil wells.
That's what they smell like that to you.
They smell like money to us.
Get over it.
Don't like it?
I-20 and I-10 go east and west, I-35 goes north and south.
Pick one.


4. So you have a $60,000 car.
We're impressed.
We have $250,000 cotton strippers that are driven only 3 weeks a year.


5. So every person in every pickup waves.
It's called being friendly.
Try to understand the concept.


6. If that cell phone rings while a bunch of doves are coming in, we WILL shoot it out of your hand.
You better hope you don't have it up to your ear at the time.


7. Yeah, we eat catfish & crawfish.
You really want sushi & caviar?
It's available at the corner bait shop.


8. The "Opener" refers to the first day of deer season.
It's a religious holiday held the closest Saturday to the first of November.


9. We open doors for women.
That is applied to all women, regardless of age.


10. No, there's no "vegetarian special" on the menu.
Order steak. Or you can order the Chef's Salad and pick off the 2 pounds of ham & turkey.


11. When we fill out a table, there are three main dishes: meats, vegetables, and breads. We use three spices: salt, pepper, and Picante Sauce! ; Oh, yeah.... We don't care what you folks in Cincinnati call that stuff you eat... It AIN'T REAL CHILI!!
Chili was born and bred in San Antonio.... and real chili never met a tomato!


12. You bring "coke" into my house, it better be brown, wet, and served over ice. You bring "Mary Jane" into my house, she better be cute, know how to shoot, drive a truck, and have long hair.


13. College and High School Football is as important here as the Lakers and the Knicks, and a dang site more fun to watch.


14. Yeah, we have golf courses.
But don't hit the water hazards -- it spooks the fish.


15. Colleges? Try Texas Tech, Texas A&M or University of Texas. They come outta there with an education plus a love for God and country, and they still wave at passing pickups when they come for the holidays.


16. We have more folks in the Army, Navy, Air Force, and Marines, than any other state, so "Don't Mess with Texas," If you do, you will get whipped by the best.


17. Always remember what our great governor Sam Houston once said:

"Texas can make it without the United States, but the United States can't make it without Texas!"

 

That is 100% true!!! Awesome thread!! God Bless TEXAS!!

 

Speechless!

 

haha love it!

 

Badass!

 

"if you wanna see Heaven brother here's your chance, I've been sent to spread the message, mmmmmm GOD BLESS TEXAS!!"

I love the quote at the end

 

good stuff...

 

Awesome post ...... I think it brought a tear to my eye!

 

Ha Ha Ha Good One

 

That sucked

 

I second that! Yeeeaaah haw mother ****** way to perpetuate steotypes

 

I have to agree with that.

1.I see just as many peoples pants hanging off their asses here as I do in other states.

2.Theres millions of Lexus and BMW's here, seems like you see a 3 series BMW everywhere you go.

3.Most people that come to visit texas dont go anywhere near oil wells, or cattle.

4.Theres a lot of people here with expensive cars.

5.Youve never driven in 5 o'clock traffic in any major texas city, youll get the middle finger before you get a wave.

6.I havent met a person that owned a gun that didnt own a cell phone.

7.Texas isnt the only place where you can get that stuff.

8.When I think of opener, I think of first astros game of the year.

9.I work at a retail store in College Station texas, you dont get more redneck than this....I rarley see anyone opening the door for other people.

10.Last time I went to texas roadhouse they did have some vegitarian items on the menu.

11.Rethink that one, I doubt anyone here acually sticks to that.

12.Plenty of drugs brought into texas everyday.

13.I agree

14.I hope nobodys hill billy enough to go fishing at a golf course weather its fish there or not.

15.One of my roomates is at A&M and he dosent belive in god, and hes a more dihard texan than hank hill. Last time I passed by tyler(goes to UT) going down the road he gave me the middle finger.

16.True

17.Remember the Mexican/American war where the US, saved Texas from mexico. Then after that Texas pulled out of the union, and Sam houston stepped down as govenor because he wouldnt give his alegance to the confederacy.

 

Party Pooper.

 

Re-read #3 please, if its that bad here take the above advice.

If its not and you just hate the thought that somebody likes their state enough to post a funny list of not-so-serious rules about said state, for fun and good natured humor, get a life and dont ruin the thread for those of us who do enjoy reading about our favorite state, Texas.

 

regardless its pretty funny...

 

Thats why I'm going to see Pat Green Friday. God bless Texas

 

wow you are a ******* douche bag...seriously

 

real nice thread I enjoyed it!

 

 

Wow. You are a real piece of work. Seriously.