Do you own any of these tools?
08-06-2011, 05:19 AM
#1
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Do you own any of these tools? DRILL PRESS: A tall upright machine useful for suddenly snatching flat
metal bar stock out of your hands so that it smacks you in the chest and
flings your beer across the room, denting the freshly-painted project which
you had carefully set in the corner where nothing could get to it.
WIRE WHEEL: Cleans paint off bolts and then throws them somewhere under the
workbench with the speed of light . Also removes fingerprints and
hard-earned calluses from fingers in about the time it takes you to say, 'Oh
****!'
ELECTRIC HAND DRILL: Normally used for spinning pop rivets in their holes until you die of old age, or for perforating something behind and beyond the original intended target object.
SKIL SAW: A portable cutting tool used to make studs too short.
PLIERS: Used to round off bolt heads. Sometimes used in the creation of
blood-blisters.
BELT SANDER: An electric sanding tool commonly used to convert minor
touch-up jobs into major refinishing jobs.
HACKSAW: One of a family of cutting tools built on the Ouija board
principle... It transforms human energy into a crooked, unpredictable
motion, and the more you attempt to influence its course, the more dismal
your future becomes.
VISE-GRIPS: Generally used after pliers to completely round off bolt heads.
If nothing else is available, they can also be used to transfer intense
welding heat to the palm of your hand. They can also be used to sculpture
your wife's nose when they fall from a motorhome TV antenna!
E-Z OUT BOLT AND STUD EXTRACTOR: A tool ten times harder than any known drill bit that snaps neatly off in bolt holes thereby ending any possible future use.
OXYACETYLENE TORCH: Used almost entirely for lighting various flammable
objects in your shop on fire. Also handy for igniting the grease inside the
wheel hub out of which you want to remove a bearing race.
WELDING GLOVES: Heavy duty leather gloves used to prolong the conduction of intense welding heat to the palm of your hand.
AIR COMPRESSOR: A machine that takes energy produced in a coal-burning power plant 200 miles away and transforms it into compressed air that travels by hose to a Chicago Pneumatic impact gun that grips rusty bolts which were last over tightened 40 years ago by someone at VW, and instantly rounds off their heads. Also used to quickly snap off lug nuts.
TABLE SAW: A large stationary power tool commonly used to launch wood
projectiles for testing wall integrity.
HYDRAULIC FLOOR JACK: Used for lowering an automobile to the ground after
you have installed your new brake shoes , trapping the jack handle firmly
under the bumper.
EIGHT-FOOT LONG YELLOW PINE 4X4: Used for levering an automobile upward off of a trapped hydraulic jack handle.
BAND SAW: A large stationary power saw primarily used by most shops to cut
good aluminum sheet into smaller pieces that more easily fit into the trash
can after you cut on the inside of the line instead of the outside edge.
TWO-TON ENGINE HOIST: A tool for testing the maximum tensile strength of
everything you forgot to disconnect.
PHILLIPS SCREWDRIVER:
Normally used to stab the vacuum seals under lids or for opening old-style
paper-and-tin-foil oil cans and splashing oil on your shirt; but can also be
used, as the name implies, to strip out Phillips screw heads.
STRAIGHT SCREWDRIVER:
A tool for opening paint cans. Sometimes used to convert common slotted
screws into non-removable screws and butchering your palms.
PRY BAR: A tool used to crumple the metal surrounding the clip or bracket
you needed to remove in order to replace a 50 cent part.
HOSE CUTTER: A tool used to make hoses too short.
HAMMER: Originally employed as a weapon of war, the hammer nowadays is used
as a kind of divining rod to locate the most expensive parts adjacent to the
object you are trying to hit.
UTILITY KNIFE: Used to open and slice through the contents of cardboard
cartons delivered to your front door; works particularly well on contents
such as seats, vinyl records, liquids in plastic bottles, collector
magazines, refund checks, and rubber or plastic parts. Especially useful for
slicing hands and work clothes, but only while wearing them.
TWEEZERS: A tool for removing wood splinters and wire wheel wires.
SON-OF-A-BITCH TOOL: Any handy tool that you grab and throw across the garage while yelling 'SON-OF-A-BITCH!' at the top of your lungs. It is also, most often, the next tool you will need.
(A personal favorite!)
metal bar stock out of your hands so that it smacks you in the chest and
flings your beer across the room, denting the freshly-painted project which
you had carefully set in the corner where nothing could get to it.
WIRE WHEEL: Cleans paint off bolts and then throws them somewhere under the
workbench with the speed of light . Also removes fingerprints and
hard-earned calluses from fingers in about the time it takes you to say, 'Oh
****!'
ELECTRIC HAND DRILL: Normally used for spinning pop rivets in their holes until you die of old age, or for perforating something behind and beyond the original intended target object.
SKIL SAW: A portable cutting tool used to make studs too short.
PLIERS: Used to round off bolt heads. Sometimes used in the creation of
blood-blisters.
BELT SANDER: An electric sanding tool commonly used to convert minor
touch-up jobs into major refinishing jobs.
HACKSAW: One of a family of cutting tools built on the Ouija board
principle... It transforms human energy into a crooked, unpredictable
motion, and the more you attempt to influence its course, the more dismal
your future becomes.
VISE-GRIPS: Generally used after pliers to completely round off bolt heads.
If nothing else is available, they can also be used to transfer intense
welding heat to the palm of your hand. They can also be used to sculpture
your wife's nose when they fall from a motorhome TV antenna!
E-Z OUT BOLT AND STUD EXTRACTOR: A tool ten times harder than any known drill bit that snaps neatly off in bolt holes thereby ending any possible future use.
OXYACETYLENE TORCH: Used almost entirely for lighting various flammable
objects in your shop on fire. Also handy for igniting the grease inside the
wheel hub out of which you want to remove a bearing race.
WELDING GLOVES: Heavy duty leather gloves used to prolong the conduction of intense welding heat to the palm of your hand.
AIR COMPRESSOR: A machine that takes energy produced in a coal-burning power plant 200 miles away and transforms it into compressed air that travels by hose to a Chicago Pneumatic impact gun that grips rusty bolts which were last over tightened 40 years ago by someone at VW, and instantly rounds off their heads. Also used to quickly snap off lug nuts.
TABLE SAW: A large stationary power tool commonly used to launch wood
projectiles for testing wall integrity.
HYDRAULIC FLOOR JACK: Used for lowering an automobile to the ground after
you have installed your new brake shoes , trapping the jack handle firmly
under the bumper.
EIGHT-FOOT LONG YELLOW PINE 4X4: Used for levering an automobile upward off of a trapped hydraulic jack handle.
BAND SAW: A large stationary power saw primarily used by most shops to cut
good aluminum sheet into smaller pieces that more easily fit into the trash
can after you cut on the inside of the line instead of the outside edge.
TWO-TON ENGINE HOIST: A tool for testing the maximum tensile strength of
everything you forgot to disconnect.
PHILLIPS SCREWDRIVER:
Normally used to stab the vacuum seals under lids or for opening old-style
paper-and-tin-foil oil cans and splashing oil on your shirt; but can also be
used, as the name implies, to strip out Phillips screw heads.
STRAIGHT SCREWDRIVER:
A tool for opening paint cans. Sometimes used to convert common slotted
screws into non-removable screws and butchering your palms.
PRY BAR: A tool used to crumple the metal surrounding the clip or bracket
you needed to remove in order to replace a 50 cent part.
HOSE CUTTER: A tool used to make hoses too short.
HAMMER: Originally employed as a weapon of war, the hammer nowadays is used
as a kind of divining rod to locate the most expensive parts adjacent to the
object you are trying to hit.
UTILITY KNIFE: Used to open and slice through the contents of cardboard
cartons delivered to your front door; works particularly well on contents
such as seats, vinyl records, liquids in plastic bottles, collector
magazines, refund checks, and rubber or plastic parts. Especially useful for
slicing hands and work clothes, but only while wearing them.
TWEEZERS: A tool for removing wood splinters and wire wheel wires.
SON-OF-A-BITCH TOOL: Any handy tool that you grab and throw across the garage while yelling 'SON-OF-A-BITCH!' at the top of your lungs. It is also, most often, the next tool you will need.
(A personal favorite!)
08-12-2011, 09:15 AM
#7
I love it.. Here's some more I thought up
NEEDLE NOSE PLIERS - Pointed pliers that have absolutely zero potential at actually clamping the object between the jaws. Also useful for launching jesus clips at light speed across the shop, or puncturing any object beyond the circlip you're trying to remove.
MAGNETIC WAND- Handy tool designed to stick to everything except the socket that disappeared beneath the oil pan/motor mount/cowl.
LINE WRENCH - Wrench that won't fit over the flare fitting that you just demolished by trying to use a normal open-end wrench.
AIR RATCHET - Tool designed to violently smash your hand against floorboards and frame rails.
SWIVEL SOCKET - Handy for reaching fasteners that are positioned at odd angles, removing them, and subsequently testing the integrity of your knuckles as they flop around at 900rpm.
KLEIN WIRE CRIMPERS - A very effective crimping device, that simultaneously cuts the wires behind the one you're crimping.
SIDE CUTTERS - Securely hold the piece of whatever you're cutting that you DIDN'T need, while the desired piece flies away from you at several hundred feet per second.
TUBING CUTTER - Cuts off the beautiful flare you just took forever to make, to install the tube nut you forgot to put on the line.
SAWZALL- Works great for cutting nearly any material, and scratching the crap out of an inch either side of the cut. Also works well for puncturing and denting anything beyond the object you're trying to cut.
COMBINATION WRENCH - Used to promote tool companies by etching the manufacturer's logo into the palm of your hand when shorting out battery terminals.
CHANNEL LOCKS - Used to rotate OEM spring tension hose clamps to an unreachable position on your water pump/radiator.
SHOP PRESS - Used to explode bearings that were installed slightly crooked.
OXY-ACETYLINE TORCH - Used to cut bearing races/remains away from the bearing you exploded with the press. Also useful for setting fire to anything within a 10 foot radius of what you're working on, creating explosion craters in concrete, and gouging the shaft that you were trying to remove the bearing race from.
RED LOC-TITE - Amazing fluid that works great for removing threads from aluminum castings.
CARBIDE BURR - Makes out-of-round or slightly offset holes even more out-of-round. Also used to imbed invisible sharp slivers of metal into clothing and automotive upholstery.
NEEDLE NOSE PLIERS - Pointed pliers that have absolutely zero potential at actually clamping the object between the jaws. Also useful for launching jesus clips at light speed across the shop, or puncturing any object beyond the circlip you're trying to remove.
MAGNETIC WAND- Handy tool designed to stick to everything except the socket that disappeared beneath the oil pan/motor mount/cowl.
LINE WRENCH - Wrench that won't fit over the flare fitting that you just demolished by trying to use a normal open-end wrench.
AIR RATCHET - Tool designed to violently smash your hand against floorboards and frame rails.
SWIVEL SOCKET - Handy for reaching fasteners that are positioned at odd angles, removing them, and subsequently testing the integrity of your knuckles as they flop around at 900rpm.
KLEIN WIRE CRIMPERS - A very effective crimping device, that simultaneously cuts the wires behind the one you're crimping.
SIDE CUTTERS - Securely hold the piece of whatever you're cutting that you DIDN'T need, while the desired piece flies away from you at several hundred feet per second.
TUBING CUTTER - Cuts off the beautiful flare you just took forever to make, to install the tube nut you forgot to put on the line.
SAWZALL- Works great for cutting nearly any material, and scratching the crap out of an inch either side of the cut. Also works well for puncturing and denting anything beyond the object you're trying to cut.
COMBINATION WRENCH - Used to promote tool companies by etching the manufacturer's logo into the palm of your hand when shorting out battery terminals.
CHANNEL LOCKS - Used to rotate OEM spring tension hose clamps to an unreachable position on your water pump/radiator.
SHOP PRESS - Used to explode bearings that were installed slightly crooked.
OXY-ACETYLINE TORCH - Used to cut bearing races/remains away from the bearing you exploded with the press. Also useful for setting fire to anything within a 10 foot radius of what you're working on, creating explosion craters in concrete, and gouging the shaft that you were trying to remove the bearing race from.
RED LOC-TITE - Amazing fluid that works great for removing threads from aluminum castings.
CARBIDE BURR - Makes out-of-round or slightly offset holes even more out-of-round. Also used to imbed invisible sharp slivers of metal into clothing and automotive upholstery.
Last edited by 67RSCamaroVette; 08-12-2011 at 09:58 PM.
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08-12-2011, 03:20 PM
#10
08-12-2011, 09:51 PM
#11
08-12-2011, 10:42 PM
#14
Impact Gun-Used to torque lug nut's and any outher nut/bolt you never plan to remove again
Ratchet-Used to quickly remove nut's and bolt's,and the skin off your nuckel's
6ft pipe- General use tool for prying on object's,Or used along with ratchet to break loose lug nuts put on with impact at tire shop tearing out the gear's in your 150.00 Snap-on ratchet
Ratchet-Used to quickly remove nut's and bolt's,and the skin off your nuckel's
6ft pipe- General use tool for prying on object's,Or used along with ratchet to break loose lug nuts put on with impact at tire shop tearing out the gear's in your 150.00 Snap-on ratchet
08-13-2011, 10:25 AM
#16
I just recently bought the most amazing tool ever.. last week actually.. I saw Erik's set (Lashway) and had to have one. It LOCKS open once you have the clamp loose, so you can easily move it wherever you want. You can reach clamps at crazy angles too... I used to cut those bastards off with a cut-off wheel, now I can actually re-use them.
