Klive

iTrader: (4)

my fiance and i have had a rough go lately and we decided to try this. i personally think its a waste of time, however i am open to anything that can at least help fix the problems. i'm irish so i'll deal with problems forever, she on the other hand wont let things go so thats the root of the issue. any recommendations for a counselor in the fort worth area would be cool too.

Splitz

iTrader: (1)

If you already think it's a waste of time, you will NOT help the situation. You SAY that you are open, but when things get said in those sessions, you won't accept what IS said.

Been there done that.

Before you goto a counselor TRY to sit down with your fiance and talk about the "issues" that you and her have as a couple. There is a root cause and you don't need a counselor to tell you that. You will be more inhibited with a councelor than just you and your finance.

Klive

iTrader: (4)

i dont' think its a waste of time so much as i just believe that we can fix it ourselves by doing like you said and sit down and work it out.

Gilbert@Ace Racing

Solid advice given here by Splitz.

Mrs. Ratchthed and I have been married for 16 years now. Relationships are what you make them, they are what you want them to be.

I am not Dr.Phil or Dr.Laura, but I do know you must do some soul searching to be able to get to the point where you are totally honest with yourself. At that point, you can be honest with others.

Your comments here send mixed signals. Sometimes the written word can be interpreted differently than the spoken word, but just remember that in order for a marriage to last 2 lifetimes there is a whole bunch of compromise.

Good Luck dude. I wish you and yours well.

g

Greed4Speed

iTrader: (7)

Good advice from both these guys. Any mutually agreeable relationship is what you make it, compromise and communication are keys to success.

Been married 14.5 years here. Not saying things are perfect, but they can get better with time. Every once in a while I'll have to remind my wife I'm not a mind reader and vice versa.

NHRAMAN

iTrader: (1)

If u need counselling that bad, you should just split. NO to these know-it-all -so-called professionals. [married 15 years][we hang out together]

99FRC

iTrader: (5)

Possibly the worst piece of advise ever doled out of LS1tech. It's unnatural for most men and women to see eye to eye all of the time, but that doesn't mean you should just **** can what could be a great relationship with some education on how to relate to each other. I've been married 11 years and been to counseling twice, but it was worth it and we couldn't be happier. You just have to be open to communicating and willing to work on issues (it's usually the woman's fault, but at least keep an open mind. )

99 FRC

Splitz

iTrader: (1)

^^^

Well, when I went to counseling in my 1st marriage we went into the session with one person thinkin' I was an ***, when we left, two people thought I was an *** and you can imagine who THOSE two people were!!

Girl power sucks when it comes to that! Everything was construed to being MY Fault.

deadlyz28

iTrader: (29)

1st problem was getting married. 1 vagina ftl

ncnumber8

iTrader: (1)

Just be sure that you get these "issues" ironed out before you get married. Otherwise, don't get married. Issues usually don't go away over time like we would like to think they will, but only magnify after you sign on the dotted line.

Greed4Speed

iTrader: (7)

Ever been married or in a longe term relationship??? You know, one counted in years and not months.

xfactor_pitbulls

iTrader: (16)

You are right Luke. That explains why you like the ****.

Klive

iTrader: (4)

well, in new news: we went to ihop tonight and just sat and talked about what was wrong. I think everything is going to be fine. once she understood that i don't like being bitched at all the time she kind of started to see where i'm coming from. i feel like we'll be ok, time will tell i guess.

dshag

iTrader: (1)

well im a nurse and one of my psych teachers did counseling her last name was donaldson, unfortunately thats all i can remember at the time but she seemed to be the best. she practices in dallas, if you need more info PM me. A good counselor can really help however they cannot and should not take sides. All they will do is try and get you to understand and validate your partners feelings and vice versa until you reach a understanding/compromise. They will also try and provide assignments or tasks that will help strengthen your relationship. Unfortunately as guys we will be bitched at and thats how things go. My gf complains sometimes and the easiest way for me is too just apologize and let her be mad...hope this helps

03Sssnake

iTrader: (20)

good luck with the marriage if you already need counseling and your just engaged at this point, it usually takes years of marriage to get to the marriage counselors office...

11SecVette

iTrader: (1)

I am a big fan of christian based counseling. We have had issues goign through lots of bad adoption stuff, etc. We both found that the book "Love and Respect" helped a TREMENDOUS deal. Definitely worth a look!

MissTransAm

I'm not a pro, here, but one thing I think anyone can agree on that is one of the MOST important things:

Communication.

You've got to have the 'nads to always be open and honest with each other, and don't just let stuff build and build and try to ignore things..if you do they will build until they explode. My husband and I have this thing where, no matter how much of an *** we may sound like, we just flat-out tell each other as SOON as an issue arises. Luckily, this happens quite rarely, but when it does happen, we've found it better to address issues asap.

Another thing, as crazy as it sounds, that helps: humor.
The Mr. and I will be going at it in a heated debate over something, and after a long time when we are both growing tired of the seemingly pointless argument, we'll both just start laughing. And then we actually hug each other and just hang out and do something else for a bit; sort-of a temporary break from the problem where we go have fun and just be happy together like we want. Then, we later will go back to the issue, both in a great mood, where we are both likely to finally compromise and be more giving in a situation where earlier, we probably would have been stubborn and hell-bent on being right. Why does this change occur in us? Probably because we are reminded how much we love each other and how much we enjoy each other's company, and so any argument seems pointless, if it jeopardizes or otherwise interrupts our happiness. Sounds, crazy, I know, but so far it's worked on us every time.

You've got to both just remember that NO issue, regardless of how great or small, should be enough to thoroughly shake and possiply disrupt what should be a great relationship. People are together to be happy and to enjoy each other's company, right? So just remember that, and learn that a little compromising can go a long way, and you'll be fine.

Just my two bits. I probably sound like captain obvious, though, as we all probably know this lol.

Good God..I sound like Dr. MfngPhil lol. Sorry.. I didn't mean to rant on.