The way that whole system works is, the bolt tightens down against the spacer, compressing the grommet, which acts like a spring. The grommet applies the correct pressure on the manifold, according to the length of the spacer, no matter how tight you tighten the bolt, thereby eliminating any possibility of breaking the manifold. (well, that's the idea anyway, no doubt some people still sometimes manage to break the manifold somehow) In fact I suppose it might even be possible to replace it with a spring. Not that there would be any reason to do so, but w/e. Regardless, not really the kind of thing that needs replacing much, unless you destroy them somehow or throw them away or lose them or something like that. The only thing that torquing the bolt "correctly" does is, get the bolt tight enough to not back out, while not getting it SO tight that the threads strip or that it breaks off. (yes people do manage to accomplish those things from time to time) Not a matter of the torque "correctly" compressing the grommet.
The valve covers work the exact same way. Might even be the same grommet for all I know (never paid attention), or at least substitutable.