So Saturday night about 3am i'm layin in bed with the wife after i give her the best 30 seconds of her life. She says she's going to take a shower and i'm going to go finish a beer i left in the garage. Then we hear something that sounds like thunder, no big deal it's been raining and storming so i didn't think anything of it. Then it happens again...she then says that doesn't sound like thunder so i get up and say whatever and go get my beer. I make it to the kitchen walking in the dark cause i left the blinds up so there is just enough light to see in the house and not wake the kids up. Almost get to the garage door and notice my side gate is open. I knew it was closed cuz i had been drinking in the garage and pissing outside all night. So i stand there staring at this gate wondering why its open. Then i see something move. I get down look through the blinds in my backyard and notice two figures moving around in my backyard. I froze. What the **** is going on!!! Who the **** is in my yard!!! Then they start slowly moving towards my back door where i'm crouched and they're carrying something. Now if your a dad you immediatley think of your kids safety in any situation. All i could think of is these mother f&ckers are coming in to rob me and theyre not getting close to my kids...i yank the back door open kick the **** out of my screen door and it doesn't budge. Now i'm really pissed, it took two more kicks to get the door open and i take off running down the side of my house chasing these guys yelling the typical profanities. As i get to the side door of my garage this drunk guy falls out and starts screaming its me dude its just me...my ******* buddy. He can't even stand up he's so drunk. He'd been at the bar all night with his boys and thought it would be a good idea to come pay a visit. His crew left him. Chewed his dumb *** out for a little while then realize i'm standing there naked!! I go to bed get up the next morning to see my patio furniture on my house and shed. Kids swings swinging on my back porch. I broke the back door kicking it, broke my grill which was propped up against the door, broke a chair that was on my backporch that i threw out of the way chasing them and my wife's flower pot. I know they didn't mean any harm but c'mon, my backyard at 3am? They're lucky i didn't think straight enough to get my 12 gauge!!

What would you do?

 

...buy a flashlight ... and some underwear.

 

I would have went outside with my .40 cal and IF i recognized him/them, i probably would have fired a couple rounds in the air to get them to **** on themselves.

 

wow that sounds like a fantastic way to get shot.

 

well if you werent married id say have relations with their sister(s). But since you are there is only one thing that you can do to get back at them. Have you ever heard of the prank "Tidal Wave"? You need:
A. Trash can without holes in the bottom
B. Garden hose
C. Big brass ***** for knowingly ruining ur friend carpet/front entrance.

Lean the trash can against his door and ring the doorbell.

This is all hoping that your friend doesnt have a glass see through front door. If he does...go find a nice ant pile, dig it up and put it in a container. Dump said contents onto his lawn.

 

I wouldnt normally go to this extreme but you need some serious payback ammo...

convince the last girl he slept with to call him and tearfully tell him that she has a serious std, you fill in the blank here... what that means is there are 2 to choose from to really **** him up for a minute

is that too much?? im a sick bastard i know lol.

 

Flaming bag of dog **** on his front porch every night till you feel satisfied! Or siphon his gas tank so he is screwed in the morning with a little note which explains your reasoning of coarse hahaha...

 

I like the title wave one, thars hilarious! I'd be pissed though!

 

Blow up his house.

 

What an incredible way to get shot. I can guarantee, I would have showed up with either my .40 or 12 ga.

Since all is good, the tidal wave prank sounds good. For a Start.

 

Know any cops? Got any good buddies that are "opperators"? A couple friends of mine and I body snatched a guy for a surprise b-day party. He spent two hours in interrogation for being part of a terrorist cell before being loaded up in the van to go to git-mo

 

That has to take the cake

 

The more info you can get on the guys the better. Best to get wives/family in on it, they can typically provide you with intel.

 

around where i live, if they were doing some **** like that at that time of night, it wouldnt me the one they to worry about.
even if its a prank, that is a good way to shot.

 

Hey guys just got back to this, i'm laughing my *** off at Tidal Wave and Body Snatching. He's got an in ground pool with a diving board and nice plants all around and i'm kinda leaning that way for something since its his pride and joy. Oh and my wife called his wife and she's in on whatever we do. Guess she's pissed he was out that late i don't know. I really want to blow up his house that's my favorite but just can't do it! So what if i dig up some fireants put em in a bag, get his wife to get me keys to the truck siphon the tank and put the fireants in the cab with some good cookies to eat and a little boston terrier dog **** in a bag just to keep em smellin good the night before he goes on shift? He's a fireman.

 

awesome

 

Maybe he was peeping in your window and watching your wife get shagged while you were giving her a whole 30 seconds worth, lol.

 

Yeah, it's kinda like NASCAR vs Drag Racing, why go for hours when you can finish in seconds.

 

Soap in the pool to get it all sudsey?

 

He'd have gotten shot in my backyard. I've already shot at one guy before, this time I got buckshot!!

Go to Autozone and buy a locking gas cap. Swap his out and lock the new one on there. You can either duct tape the key to the frame somewhere or give it to his wife. Let him run out of gas and go to the station.... talk about being screwed. LMAO.