Joke: Mens Rules
12-01-2004 | 08:48 AM
#1
Thread Starter
TECH Enthusiast
Joined: Sep 2004
Posts: 694
Likes: 0
From: Kennedale TX
Joke: Mens Rules The Guys' Rules
At last a guy has taken the time to write this all
down
Finally, the guys' side of the story.
(I must admit, it's pretty good.)
We always hear"the rules"
from the female side.
Now here are the rules from the male side.
These are our rules!
Please note...these are all numbered "1"
ON PURPOSE!
1. Learn to work the toilet seat.
You're a big girl. If it's up, put it down.
We need it up, you need it down.
You don't hear us complaining about you leaving it
down.
1. Sunday sports. It's like the full moon
or the changing of the tides.
Let it be.
1. Shopping is NOT a sport.
And no, we are never going to think of it that way.
1. Crying is blackmail.
1. Ask for what you want.
Let us be clear on this one:
Subtle hints do not work!
Strong hints do not work!
Obvious hints do not work!
Just say it!
1. Yes! and No are perfectly acceptable answers to
almost every question.
1. Come to us with a problem only if you want help
solving it.
That's what we do.
Sympathy is what your girlfriends are for.
1. A headache that lasts for 17 months is a problem.
See a doctor.
1. Anything we said 6 months ago is inadmissible in an
argument.
In fact, all comments become null and void after7
days.
1. If you won't dress like the Victoria's Secret
girls,
don't expect us to act like soap opera guys.
1. If you think you're fat, you probably are.
Don't ask us.
1. If something we said can be interpreted two ways
and one of the ways makes you sad or angry,
we meant the other one.
1. You can either ask us to do something
or tell us how you want it done.
Not both.
If you already know best how to do it, just do it
yourself.
1. Whenever possible,
please say whatever you have to say during
comme! rcials.
1. Christopher Columbus did not need directions and
neither do we.
1. ALL men see in only 16 colors, like Windows default
settings.
Peach, for example, is a fruit, not a color. Pumpkin
is also a fruit.
We have no idea what mauve is.
1. If it itches, it will be scratched.
We do that.
1. If we ask what is wrong and you say "nothing,"
we will act like nothing's wrong.
We know you are lying, but it is just not worth the
hassle.
1. If you ask a question you don't want an answer to,
expect an answer you don't want to hear.
1. When we have to go somewhere, absolutely anything
you wear
is fine...Really.
1. Don't ask us what we're thinking about unless you
are
prepared to discuss such topics as baseball, the
shotgun formation,
or monster trucks.
1. You have enough clothes.
1. You have too many shoes.
1. I am in shape. Round is a shape.
1. Thank you for reading this.
Yes, I know, I have to sleep on the couch tonight;but did you know men really don't mind that? It's like
camping.
Pass this to as many men as you can -
to give them a laugh.
Pass this to as many women as you can -
to give them a bigger laugh!!
At last a guy has taken the time to write this all
down
Finally, the guys' side of the story.
(I must admit, it's pretty good.)
We always hear"the rules"
from the female side.
Now here are the rules from the male side.
These are our rules!
Please note...these are all numbered "1"
ON PURPOSE!
1. Learn to work the toilet seat.
You're a big girl. If it's up, put it down.
We need it up, you need it down.
You don't hear us complaining about you leaving it
down.
1. Sunday sports. It's like the full moon
or the changing of the tides.
Let it be.
1. Shopping is NOT a sport.
And no, we are never going to think of it that way.
1. Crying is blackmail.
1. Ask for what you want.
Let us be clear on this one:
Subtle hints do not work!
Strong hints do not work!
Obvious hints do not work!
Just say it!
1. Yes! and No are perfectly acceptable answers to
almost every question.
1. Come to us with a problem only if you want help
solving it.
That's what we do.
Sympathy is what your girlfriends are for.
1. A headache that lasts for 17 months is a problem.
See a doctor.
1. Anything we said 6 months ago is inadmissible in an
argument.
In fact, all comments become null and void after7
days.
1. If you won't dress like the Victoria's Secret
girls,
don't expect us to act like soap opera guys.
1. If you think you're fat, you probably are.
Don't ask us.
1. If something we said can be interpreted two ways
and one of the ways makes you sad or angry,
we meant the other one.
1. You can either ask us to do something
or tell us how you want it done.
Not both.
If you already know best how to do it, just do it
yourself.
1. Whenever possible,
please say whatever you have to say during
comme! rcials.
1. Christopher Columbus did not need directions and
neither do we.
1. ALL men see in only 16 colors, like Windows default
settings.
Peach, for example, is a fruit, not a color. Pumpkin
is also a fruit.
We have no idea what mauve is.
1. If it itches, it will be scratched.
We do that.
1. If we ask what is wrong and you say "nothing,"
we will act like nothing's wrong.
We know you are lying, but it is just not worth the
hassle.
1. If you ask a question you don't want an answer to,
expect an answer you don't want to hear.
1. When we have to go somewhere, absolutely anything
you wear
is fine...Really.
1. Don't ask us what we're thinking about unless you
are
prepared to discuss such topics as baseball, the
shotgun formation,
or monster trucks.
1. You have enough clothes.
1. You have too many shoes.
1. I am in shape. Round is a shape.
1. Thank you for reading this.
Yes, I know, I have to sleep on the couch tonight;but did you know men really don't mind that? It's like
camping.
Pass this to as many men as you can -
to give them a laugh.
Pass this to as many women as you can -
to give them a bigger laugh!!
