To the Drunk Hottie who fell off my motorcycle
12-23-2007, 02:46 AM
#1
To the Drunk Hottie who fell off my motorcycle http://www.craigslist.org/about/best/sea/471479867.html
To the Drunk Hottie who fell off my motorcycle
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Date: 2007-11-07, 5:23AM PST
I met you at the bar last night, and we hit it off. Ya we were both a little buzzed, but you seemed as into me as I was into you. Things got to things, we made out a bit, and you ended up going home with me on the back of my motorcycle, which was awesome because that doesn't usually happen to me. I luckily had the extra helmet with me and let you wear my bike jacket while suffering the cold on the way home. I was feeling pretty happy and lucky to say the least.
This is where things got crazy.
I don't know if you slipped, or thought I was taking you home to kill you, or if your're just plain crazy and had a change of heart, but all of a sudden you let go of me MID-TURN and went flying into the bushes at about 10-15mph near the park by my house. I was so freaked out!!! when I looked back to see you fumbling in the bushes I could only PRAY TO GOD that you didn't hit the asphalt or something worse.
I really thought you must have been hurt at least a bit, but as I turned around to come check on you, you took off into the unlit park running full speed with my helmet and jacket still on! I parked my bike and looked for you for over 2 hours calling your name until I was so cold I had to go home or risk freezing to death.
WTF
Im sorry for what happened and I really hope your're ok, really I do, but seriously WTF. Running into a forested park in the middle of the night like that....I really can't begin to guess what you were thinking, and you weren't that drunk, but i suppose my "crazy-bitch o' meter" wasn't working at the bar that night, and from the speed you took off I can only surmise that your're not that hurt. I would like my expensive bike gear back though, I hope it kept you warm during your psychotic episode, but it IS mine and I kinda need it to get around in the winter. If you could return it to the bar for me, check in with your shrink, and promise to never come near me again that would be great, cause you scared the #*$% outta me and are costing me alot of money.
Sincerely,
Very cold/poor motorcycle rider who will never let women near his bike again.
Location: Seattle
it's NOT ok to contact this poster with services or other commercial interests
PostingID: 471479867
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Copyright © 2007 craigslist, inc. terms of use privacy policy feedback forum
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Date: 2007-11-07, 5:23AM PST
I met you at the bar last night, and we hit it off. Ya we were both a little buzzed, but you seemed as into me as I was into you. Things got to things, we made out a bit, and you ended up going home with me on the back of my motorcycle, which was awesome because that doesn't usually happen to me. I luckily had the extra helmet with me and let you wear my bike jacket while suffering the cold on the way home. I was feeling pretty happy and lucky to say the least.
This is where things got crazy.
I don't know if you slipped, or thought I was taking you home to kill you, or if your're just plain crazy and had a change of heart, but all of a sudden you let go of me MID-TURN and went flying into the bushes at about 10-15mph near the park by my house. I was so freaked out!!! when I looked back to see you fumbling in the bushes I could only PRAY TO GOD that you didn't hit the asphalt or something worse.
I really thought you must have been hurt at least a bit, but as I turned around to come check on you, you took off into the unlit park running full speed with my helmet and jacket still on! I parked my bike and looked for you for over 2 hours calling your name until I was so cold I had to go home or risk freezing to death.
WTF
Im sorry for what happened and I really hope your're ok, really I do, but seriously WTF. Running into a forested park in the middle of the night like that....I really can't begin to guess what you were thinking, and you weren't that drunk, but i suppose my "crazy-bitch o' meter" wasn't working at the bar that night, and from the speed you took off I can only surmise that your're not that hurt. I would like my expensive bike gear back though, I hope it kept you warm during your psychotic episode, but it IS mine and I kinda need it to get around in the winter. If you could return it to the bar for me, check in with your shrink, and promise to never come near me again that would be great, cause you scared the #*$% outta me and are costing me alot of money.
Sincerely,
Very cold/poor motorcycle rider who will never let women near his bike again.
Location: Seattle
it's NOT ok to contact this poster with services or other commercial interests
PostingID: 471479867
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Copyright © 2007 craigslist, inc. terms of use privacy policy feedback forum
12-23-2007, 05:34 AM
#4
there's some good ones....
Memo to my fellow bus riders
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Date: 2007-03-23, 1:23PM PDT
Heavy-breathing man sitting next to me: let's make a deal. I won't vomit on you if you won't vomit on me. Please know that I don't say this lightly, as I am pretty sure that your black plastic bag is filled with severed human limbs that are rapidly approaching stage 4 decomposition.
Girl reading financial magazine: don't you go disdainfully eyeing my US Weekly like it's child ****. You may choose to fill your bus ride with empirical data and market trends, but I am fully entitled to spend these 20 minutes catching up on the adventures of Brangelina. This is America, bitch. If you don't want to look at Britney's rehab-exiting form on the cover of my magazine, LOOK AWAY. Better yet, find some suitable replacement for those cloglike mules that you're sporting. Yeah, I said it.
Man lurking over me with precariously balanced cup of coffee: if you spill that **** on me, I will kill you. Also, it's impolite to stare. If you can't find something to do, act seriously engrossed in the bus schedule like the rest of us do. I promise I won't do anything worth watching, unless the aforementioned spill occurs, in which case all bets are off.
Lady at 1st and Broad stop who always asks the driver if this bus is a 2: how can you not notice that it's the same driver every day and he gives you the same answer every day? Must you lurk in the bus doorway, pretending that you might get on the bus despite its non-2 status, only to storm off when you realize that this bus doesn't go to Madrona? GET A SCHEDULE. And stop making us miss the stoplights. I'm late enough as it is.
Loud cell phone talker guy: no, but seriously, nobody cares. You are a complete and utter loser, and no amount of talk of "executives" and "meetings" and "protocol" will convince us otherwise. If you were that important, you wouldn't be riding the bus, okay? Also: you are wearing white socks. I have never met anyone important who wears white socks. Go home, change the socks, and stop talking to your mom like you're taking a conference call. It's way too early for me to hate someone as much as I hate you right now.
Old lady who wants to chat: I'm going to give you the benefit of the doubt, since I'm not sure you can even see the little white earphones weaving into my whafro. These little babies mean I don't want to have a heart-to-heart with any of my fellow bus riders. Not even about your gout, your grandchildren, where this bus goes, or my life story. I'll let you in on a little secret - sometimes I don't even have an ipod plugged into these bad boys. That doesn't stop me from shrugging helplessly and pointing to my ears when your kind tries to engage me in conversation. Take the hint, and talk to the weird muttering guy in the corner. He looks up for a little tete-a-tete.
Crackhead who just propositioned me: do I look like the kind of girl who sleeps with dudes she meets on the bus? Wait, don't answer that. Just, no.
ANNOUNCEMENT TO ALL: Tomorrow, I'm bringing a sharpie and adding "please wear deoderant" to the bus rules poster. I just have to figure out the spanish translation first.
it's NOT ok to contact this poster with services or other commercial interests
PostingID: 299213729
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Date: 2007-03-23, 1:23PM PDT
Heavy-breathing man sitting next to me: let's make a deal. I won't vomit on you if you won't vomit on me. Please know that I don't say this lightly, as I am pretty sure that your black plastic bag is filled with severed human limbs that are rapidly approaching stage 4 decomposition.
Girl reading financial magazine: don't you go disdainfully eyeing my US Weekly like it's child ****. You may choose to fill your bus ride with empirical data and market trends, but I am fully entitled to spend these 20 minutes catching up on the adventures of Brangelina. This is America, bitch. If you don't want to look at Britney's rehab-exiting form on the cover of my magazine, LOOK AWAY. Better yet, find some suitable replacement for those cloglike mules that you're sporting. Yeah, I said it.
Man lurking over me with precariously balanced cup of coffee: if you spill that **** on me, I will kill you. Also, it's impolite to stare. If you can't find something to do, act seriously engrossed in the bus schedule like the rest of us do. I promise I won't do anything worth watching, unless the aforementioned spill occurs, in which case all bets are off.
Lady at 1st and Broad stop who always asks the driver if this bus is a 2: how can you not notice that it's the same driver every day and he gives you the same answer every day? Must you lurk in the bus doorway, pretending that you might get on the bus despite its non-2 status, only to storm off when you realize that this bus doesn't go to Madrona? GET A SCHEDULE. And stop making us miss the stoplights. I'm late enough as it is.
Loud cell phone talker guy: no, but seriously, nobody cares. You are a complete and utter loser, and no amount of talk of "executives" and "meetings" and "protocol" will convince us otherwise. If you were that important, you wouldn't be riding the bus, okay? Also: you are wearing white socks. I have never met anyone important who wears white socks. Go home, change the socks, and stop talking to your mom like you're taking a conference call. It's way too early for me to hate someone as much as I hate you right now.
Old lady who wants to chat: I'm going to give you the benefit of the doubt, since I'm not sure you can even see the little white earphones weaving into my whafro. These little babies mean I don't want to have a heart-to-heart with any of my fellow bus riders. Not even about your gout, your grandchildren, where this bus goes, or my life story. I'll let you in on a little secret - sometimes I don't even have an ipod plugged into these bad boys. That doesn't stop me from shrugging helplessly and pointing to my ears when your kind tries to engage me in conversation. Take the hint, and talk to the weird muttering guy in the corner. He looks up for a little tete-a-tete.
Crackhead who just propositioned me: do I look like the kind of girl who sleeps with dudes she meets on the bus? Wait, don't answer that. Just, no.
ANNOUNCEMENT TO ALL: Tomorrow, I'm bringing a sharpie and adding "please wear deoderant" to the bus rules poster. I just have to figure out the spanish translation first.
it's NOT ok to contact this poster with services or other commercial interests
PostingID: 299213729
12-23-2007, 06:28 AM
#5
[IMG]10 tangible things each of YOU can do to make traffic better
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Date: 2006-10-20, 11:06AM PDT
Yeah, you could ride transit or carpool or bike, but that's not gonna happen, so here are easy things you can actually do.
All of these fit a theme. Which is: It's not all about YOU out there. You are part of a collective. If everyone did these unselfish things, traffic would be much better:
1. Don't tailgate. When you tailgate, you have to tap your brakes at the slightest speed change. You tap for a second, the guy behind you taps for two, the guy behind him for four, and so forth. Ripple effect that equals slowdown.
2. Use onramps correctly. ACCELERATE! Get up to a speed that matches overall traffic, then merge seamlessly. Too many people here merge into 60 mph traffic at 40 mph. People hit their brakes, and again you get a ripple effect.
3. Honor the left lane. Move over when not overtaking cars. Yes, we've talked this one to death. Just do it.
4. Pick a lane and try to stick with it. Incessant lane changes for little real gain can cause slowdowns for much the same reason as the onramp example above. Think ahead: Will the lane you're in peter out soon, or turn into an exit-only lane? Get yourself in one that will see you through to your destination.
5. At stoplights, pay attention. If you're first in line waiting at a light, be sure you're pulled up far enough, as someone here already noted. Then PAY ATTENTION! Watch the light. When it changes, go! Driving is war, and you've got the point -- so stay alert! That goes for everyone in the back of the line too, but we have way too many people at the front who use stoplight time to apply makeup, read the paper, change the radio station or eat french fries off their car's floor.
6. Step on it. If traffic's going 60 in your lane, why aren't you keeping up with the guy ahead of you? Why do you feel the need to go 57? Again, you're part of a collective out there. Join in, please.
7. Don't go so fast you get pulled over. Because every time someone gets pulled over, it gums up traffic for the rest of us. People rubberneck and irrationally brake (like the trooper's gonna drop you to go after them), and the aforementioned ripple effect ensues. So drive briskly, but don't risk a ticket. If you're going over 70 in a 60 mph zone, you're risking it.
8. Look way down the road. I get on I-5 northbound everyday from Fairview at Mercer. Two lanes from Fairview are onramp only. Invariably someone is sitting in the middle, onramp-only lane who wants to go straight. And he just sits there, and people are stuck behind him. It happens at every signal, because the mope didn't READ THE SIGNS. Look ahead. Look far ahead. Look way past that big hurkin' SUV you're behind, if you can. The sooner you see signs and the sooner you see trouble, the sooner you can avoid messing up in a way that affects the rest of us.
9. Live the golden rule. Let people in. Wave when someone lets you in. I wish I had a buck for every time I've signaled to enter a gap in a lane, and the car that's far back in that lane guns it to try to keep me from moving over. No wait, I don't wish I had a buck, I wish I had his head on a pike. But you've gotta check that impulse too. Do unto others ... you know.
10. Devote yourself to the task. This is covered in many of the points above, but driving is not simply something you do to pass the time while listening to the radio. Driving is the all-consuming task at hand.
So DO it -- briskly, efficiently and competently. So that we can all get out of each other's way.
Thank you.
this is in or around Stuck on I-5[/IMG]
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Date: 2006-10-20, 11:06AM PDT
Yeah, you could ride transit or carpool or bike, but that's not gonna happen, so here are easy things you can actually do.
All of these fit a theme. Which is: It's not all about YOU out there. You are part of a collective. If everyone did these unselfish things, traffic would be much better:
1. Don't tailgate. When you tailgate, you have to tap your brakes at the slightest speed change. You tap for a second, the guy behind you taps for two, the guy behind him for four, and so forth. Ripple effect that equals slowdown.
2. Use onramps correctly. ACCELERATE! Get up to a speed that matches overall traffic, then merge seamlessly. Too many people here merge into 60 mph traffic at 40 mph. People hit their brakes, and again you get a ripple effect.
3. Honor the left lane. Move over when not overtaking cars. Yes, we've talked this one to death. Just do it.
4. Pick a lane and try to stick with it. Incessant lane changes for little real gain can cause slowdowns for much the same reason as the onramp example above. Think ahead: Will the lane you're in peter out soon, or turn into an exit-only lane? Get yourself in one that will see you through to your destination.
5. At stoplights, pay attention. If you're first in line waiting at a light, be sure you're pulled up far enough, as someone here already noted. Then PAY ATTENTION! Watch the light. When it changes, go! Driving is war, and you've got the point -- so stay alert! That goes for everyone in the back of the line too, but we have way too many people at the front who use stoplight time to apply makeup, read the paper, change the radio station or eat french fries off their car's floor.
6. Step on it. If traffic's going 60 in your lane, why aren't you keeping up with the guy ahead of you? Why do you feel the need to go 57? Again, you're part of a collective out there. Join in, please.
7. Don't go so fast you get pulled over. Because every time someone gets pulled over, it gums up traffic for the rest of us. People rubberneck and irrationally brake (like the trooper's gonna drop you to go after them), and the aforementioned ripple effect ensues. So drive briskly, but don't risk a ticket. If you're going over 70 in a 60 mph zone, you're risking it.
8. Look way down the road. I get on I-5 northbound everyday from Fairview at Mercer. Two lanes from Fairview are onramp only. Invariably someone is sitting in the middle, onramp-only lane who wants to go straight. And he just sits there, and people are stuck behind him. It happens at every signal, because the mope didn't READ THE SIGNS. Look ahead. Look far ahead. Look way past that big hurkin' SUV you're behind, if you can. The sooner you see signs and the sooner you see trouble, the sooner you can avoid messing up in a way that affects the rest of us.
9. Live the golden rule. Let people in. Wave when someone lets you in. I wish I had a buck for every time I've signaled to enter a gap in a lane, and the car that's far back in that lane guns it to try to keep me from moving over. No wait, I don't wish I had a buck, I wish I had his head on a pike. But you've gotta check that impulse too. Do unto others ... you know.
10. Devote yourself to the task. This is covered in many of the points above, but driving is not simply something you do to pass the time while listening to the radio. Driving is the all-consuming task at hand.
So DO it -- briskly, efficiently and competently. So that we can all get out of each other's way.
Thank you.
this is in or around Stuck on I-5[/IMG]
12-23-2007, 09:02 AM
#6
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I know that girl in the first one. Se used to come to the bar me & my roomies worked at. She was HOT! THen in a drunken horny stooper we screwed up & let her move in with us. All was good, she cooked, cleaned & screwed for us. 
Then came "that time of the month". She turned into psycho-bitch! She was walking around the condo in her sexy neglige (sp?) bleeding all over everything screaming, slapping, scratching & throwing ****. Too bad she didn't fall out of the car on the way home! That biker doesn't know how lucky he is.....
Then came "that time of the month". She turned into psycho-bitch! She was walking around the condo in her sexy neglige (sp?) bleeding all over everything screaming, slapping, scratching & throwing ****. Too bad she didn't fall out of the car on the way home! That biker doesn't know how lucky he is.....
, and someone to pick up the tab once in a while. 
