Some Funny Things About The Greatest City On The Planet.

The best hotdog ever is from the guy on the corner when you leave the club

You call soda “pop”

You know the 2 seasons…winter and construction

You use your heat and a/c in the same day

You know the empire carpet phone number by heart


You can buy a 24 pack of tube socks on the red line for 5 bucks.


…you believe that “New York” style is a pansy assed excuse for a pizza

…your monthly car payment is less than your monthly gas fill ups

…you confuse the Dan Ryan for the Indy 500

…you use a lawn chair to save a parking spot(this is now illegal)

…you measure everything in minutes, not miles

…your vacation is over before you leave O’Hare

…you cross the street wherever you want

…you use the Sears Tower to tell where you’re going

…you put the word “DA” in front of the sports teams

…you give walking directions instead of driving directions

…you’re amazed when you find a parking spot

...You say “Wanna go with?” when you mean “Do you want to come with me?”

…You know what Kennedy, Dan Ryan, Eisenhower, Edens, and Bishop Ford have in common and curse at least one of them daily

…You know what “The Hillside Strangler” is

…You can name three or four taxes that nobody else pays

…You know the difference between Richard M Daley and Richard J Daley

…You can use two or three Daleyisms in context

…You can imitate the Mayor’s whine

…You say Chicaaago

…You think going to a Bears game in single digit temperatures with a wind off the lake(and freezing rain) is fun!

…You expect corruption in local politics

…You go to the Dells in the summer to get away from the other twenty thousand that followed you

…You’ve been caught speeding in Wisconsin because you had Illinois plates

…You know why they call it “The Windy City”

…You know dead people that voted

…You understand the “Democratic Machine” and don’t fight against it

…You’ve never been to Springfield(Unless You're The Gov)

…You know a good Gyros joint

…You know what Giordano’s, Lou Malnati’s, Geno’s all have in common

…You know when the last time the Cubs when the pennant

…You call the “Living Room” to “Front Room”

…you don’t pronounce the “s” in Illinois, but become irate at people who do

…You refer to anything South of I-80 as “Southern Illinois”

…You refer to Lake Michigan as “The Lake

…You refer to Chicago as “The City”

…You have two favorite Football teams: Da Bears and anyone who beats The Packers!

…You buy “The Trib”

…You think 35 degrees is great weather to wash your car

….You know what goes on a Chicago Style Hotdog!

…You respond to the question “Where you from?” with a side: “Northside” “Southside”


…You wear gym shoes, not sneakers

 

Chicago Traffic Synopsis

If your road map is more than a few weeks old, throw it out and buy a new one.
If you are in Naperville and your map is one day old, then it is already obsolete.

Forget the traffic rules you learned elsewhere.
Chicago has its own version of traffic rules... "Hold on and pray."

There is no such thing as a dangerous high-speed chase in Chicago.
We all drive like that.

All directions start with, "I-94"... which has no beginning and no end.

The morning rush hour is from 6 to 10.
The evening rush hour is from 3 to 7.
Friday's rush hour starts Thursday morning.

If you actually stop at a yellow light, you will be rear ended, cussed out and, if you happen to be on the south side, possibly shot.
When you are the first one on the starting line, count to five when the light turns green before going to avoid crashing with all the drivers running the red light in cross-traffic but be prepared to hear the horns from all the cars behind you because you didn't immediately start moving.

Construction on Northwest Tollway is a way of life and a permanent form of entertainment.
We had sooooo much fun with that we have added Elgin O'Hare and the I-355 to the mix.

All unexplained sights are explained by the phrase, "Oh, we're in Cicero!"

If someone actually has their turn signal on, it is probably a factory defect.

Car horns are actually "Road Rage" indicators.

All old ladies with blue hair in Mercedes have the right of way. Period!

First Ave, LaGrange Rd, Pulaski, NW Highway...all mysteriously change names as you cross intersections.

If you are asking directions in Cicero you must have knowledge of Spanish.
In Bridgeport, Mandarin Chinese will be your best bet.
If you stop to ask directions on the West or South side, you'd better be armed.

A trip across town (east to west) will take a minimum of four hours, although many north/south freeways have unposted minimum speeds of 75.
The minimum acceptable speed on the Dan Ryan is 85. Anything less is considered downright sissy.

The wrought iron on windows near Englewood and Austin is NOT ornamental.

The Eisenhower Expressway is our daily version of NASCAR.
The Dan Ryan is called "The Death Trap" for two reasons: "death" and "trap."

If it's 100 degrees, it's Taste of Chicago time.
If it's 10 degrees and sleeting/snowing, it's opening day at Sox Park.
If it has rained 6 inches in the last hour, the Western open Golf Classic is in the second round.
If you go to Wrigley Field, pay the $25 to park in the "Cubs Lot". Parking elsewhere could cost up to $2500 for damages, towing fees, parking tickets, etc. If some guy with a flag tries to get you to park in his yard', run over hi

you spend $400 a month on parking tickets

 

mmm gyros.....

 

When was the last time the Cubs won a pennant??? 1945......pathetic!

 

Yeah, that pretty much nails it.

Now I know I put my gym shoes somewhere in da front room while I was watchin da bears with my couson vinny from shouthern ill-i-noi

 

Hmm that does sound good. A great place is off I-55 & Central. I love Jims off 90/94 and Roosevelt though

 

lmao!

 

wow that list is 100% true!!!! LOL!

 

I have no idea what "The Hillside Strangler" is? Too young maybe

 

99% of those are so true.

if you call pop soda, u r a tool! soda, what a moronic designation of a carbonated beverage!

 

^google it. those were some effed up men, and the pictures are even worse.



but that list was spot-on.


i <3 mr. greek

 

I can name quite a few on the south side for some good gyro.

 

And one thing not so funny...

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2008/1..._n_137804.html