blue by you

iTrader: (5)

Just wanted to see who else has had this happen to them while deployed. My wife of 4 years emailed me 3 days ago and in so many words told me this. Says it's better for our 3 yr old son.....So any thoughts and advice would be greatly appreciated.

Para67camaro

open a new account and transfer all of your money, also make your dfas will be paying on that account. I have had a few friends get that and this is the first thing the spouse empties out. Be strong and get close to your ranger buddys. Make sure you are talking about it too. I know you will annoy some people but you need to vent and let it out, don't let the stress bottle up inside. Sorry to hear that and good luck.

1slo_camaro

iTrader: (2)

agreed /\ im really really sorry to hear about that man, i had that happen in boot camp. but it wasnt my wife and we didnt have any kids. just become a little more focused on work would be my suggestions and stay around people all the time to keep your mind off of it all. good luck man and now you have more money to spend on your car tehe.

Liquidnutz

I am sorry for you man. Close joint accounts immendiately to include credit cards, checking, savings and post a fraud alert with Equifax, Trans Union and Experian (three main credit reporting agencies, will stop anymore credit from being opened in your name). You are required by AR 608-99 to give her your BAH II WITH and nothing more in the absence of a court order mandating a support amount if you live off post. If she is in base housing, and you get no BAH then you have no support obligation per the reg. I got shafted something fierce and try to help Soldiers from receiving the schlaking I took. I am sorry that you have to add this to your pile of stressors while being deployed. I got mine while being deployed as well. Keep your chin up, talk it out with your buddies and focus on the mission for now. Hope this helps.

Mike

BigT2002

iTrader: (2)

What everyone said! I don't know if she is the type of "witch" who would clean you out, but never take that chance. Get your finances lined up and try to get someone over to the house and collect your things and put them in storage for you as well. Last thing you need is to come home and she's sold all your crap on ebay

blue by you

iTrader: (5)

Thanks guys. No, she is not the type of woman that would rob me blind, so I don't have to worry about that. I'm still fighting to keep the marriage alive since I'm the one who made the mistakes, but she just can't seem to forgive, forget and look to the future. So, I guess only time will tell when I get home next spring.

bballr4567

iTrader: (5)

No matter what type of woman she is close all joint accounts NOW. Especially if you want to have some money if the talking doesnt go the right way. I know you said its your fault but youve got to protect yourself in this matter.

Good buddy of mine had about 16K taken out of his account by his "wife" and never saw it again. Dont make the same mistake.

01LS1nub

Sry to hear that this is happening to you bro. Happen to me as well when i was in Iraq, Can home for R&R after hitting a IED and losing my gunner. R&R went fine, Went bac to Iraq and next day on the phone she tells me that it wuz in the best interest of the kids becouse i was not the same as i was when i left for iraq. I will say this, If you love her and she loves you there is nothing that cant be forgiven and forgotten and left in the past to make to future more promising. I forgave my ex but life didnt stop there just becouse of the divorce. If she is a good woman she will forgive the thing in the past and let them stay there. Hang in there bro and keep your head up. And thank you for doing what your doing.

Reject

iTrader: (24)

those letters suck! just dont do anything crazy, keep a level head on your shoulders and only time will heal this.

KnightmareLS1

iTrader: (12)

Close the joint accounts ASAP!! The nicest women will turn on you quick! I know TOO many people that said ''She'd never do that'' and got wiped out!!

StoleIt

iTrader: (3)

I'd definitly talk to the First Shirt, a Chaplin, or one of your officers too. Make sure people know whats going on and can make sure you don't get into a self destructive cycle.

Kick her name off anything you own that is joint. Probably talk with legal also to make sure you can't get hosed.

Sorry to hear about it man...hope you lift yourself up and out!

FOG

Blue,

Some good advice has been given. When closing the accounts do it by certified mail with a notarized letter to each account. Do this with bank, credit cards, investment, and insurance. Keep copies of the letters and the mail tracking documents for future CYA.

She cannot file divorce papers while you are overseas according to the Soldiers and Sailors Act. Any decent attorney should know this. You may be able to venue shop; i.e. different states. Again a good lawyer can help depending on where you home station is, what your state(s) of residence, etc.

When/if spousal/child support is awarded send it via the court for your protection. What has happened more than once is the wife has it direct deposited in an account for convenience "for the good of the children". The money is automatically forwarded to another account. After some months the account the service member is direct depositing into is closed but DFAS still tries to put the money into a now non-existent account. The result is the service member is out the money and still owes the support. The ex-wife then produces documentation showing support money has been going into the 2nd account the whole time and the service member is forced into paying her directly thus he is out 2X the support amount for the time frame (at least 3 months) it takes DFAS to stop the direct deposit. Then it takes a lot longer to get back the money that is in limbo.

Good luck and keep you chain of command informed.

S/F, FOG