Oil Change {funny}
03-28-2010, 12:21 PM
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Oil Change {funny} got this from another forum:
Oil Change instructions for Women:
1) Pull up to Kwik Kar when the mileage reaches 3000 miles since the last oil change.
2) Drink a cup of coffee.
3) 15 minutes later, write a check and leave, driving a properly maintained vehicle.
Money spent:
Oil Change:
$30.00
Coffee: $1.00
Total: $31.00
==========
Oil Change instructions for Men :
1) Wait until Saturday, drive to auto parts store and buy a case of oil, filter, kitty litter, hand cleaner and a scented tree, use your debit card for $50.00.
2) Stop by 7/11 and buy a case of beer, (debit $20), drive home.
3) Open a beer and drink it.
4) Jack car up. Spend 30 minutes looking for jack stands.
5) Find jack stands under kid's pedal car.
6) In frustration, open another beer and drink it.
7) Place drain pan under engine.
8) Look for 9/16 box end wrench.
9) Give up and use crescent wrench.
10) Unscrew drain plug.
11) Drop drain plug in pan of hot oil: splash hot oil on you in process. Cuss.
12) Crawl out from under car to wipe hot oil off of face and arms. Throw kitty litter on spilled oil.
13) Have another beer while watching oil drain.
14) Spend 30 minutes looking for oil filter wrench.
15) Give up; crawl under car and hammer a screwdriver through oil filter and twist off.
16) Crawl out from under car with dripping oil filter splashing oil everywhere from holes. Cleverly hide old oil filter among trash in trash can to avoid environmental penalties. Drink a beer.
17) Install new oil filter making sure to apply a thin coat of oil to gasket surface.
18) Dump first quart of fresh oil into engine.
19) Remember drain plug from step 11..
20) Hurry to find drain plug in drain pan..
21) Drink beer.
22) Discover that first quart of fresh oil is now on the floor. Throw kitty litter on oil spill..
23) Get drain plug back in with only a minor spill. Drink beer.
24) Crawl under car getting kitty litter into eyes. Wipe eyes with oily rag used to clean drain plug. Slip with stupid crescent wrench tightening drain plug and bang knuckles on frame removing any excess skin between knuckles and frame.
25) Begin cussing fit.
26) Throw stupid crescent wrench.
27) Cuss for additional 5 minutes because wrench hit bowling trophy..
28) Beer.
29) Clean up hands and bandage as required to stop blood flow.
30) Beer.
31) Dump in five fresh quarts of oil..
32) Beer.
33) Lower car from jack stands.
34) Move car back to apply more kitty litter to fresh oil spilled during any missed steps.
35) Beer.
36) Test drive car.
37) Get pulled over: arrested for driving under the influence.
38) Car gets impounded.
39) Call loving wife, make bail.
40) 12 hours later, get car from impound yard.
Money spent:
Parts: $50.00
DUI: $2500.00
Impound fee: $75.00
Bail: $1500.00
Beer: $20.00
Total: $4,145.00
But you know the job was done right!
SEND THIS TO WOMEN WHO NEED A LAUGH.......
AND TO ANY MEN YOU THINK CAN HANDLE IT...
Oil Change instructions for Women:
1) Pull up to Kwik Kar when the mileage reaches 3000 miles since the last oil change.
2) Drink a cup of coffee.
3) 15 minutes later, write a check and leave, driving a properly maintained vehicle.
Money spent:
Oil Change:
$30.00
Coffee: $1.00
Total: $31.00
==========
Oil Change instructions for Men :
1) Wait until Saturday, drive to auto parts store and buy a case of oil, filter, kitty litter, hand cleaner and a scented tree, use your debit card for $50.00.
2) Stop by 7/11 and buy a case of beer, (debit $20), drive home.
3) Open a beer and drink it.
4) Jack car up. Spend 30 minutes looking for jack stands.
5) Find jack stands under kid's pedal car.
6) In frustration, open another beer and drink it.
7) Place drain pan under engine.
8) Look for 9/16 box end wrench.
9) Give up and use crescent wrench.
10) Unscrew drain plug.
11) Drop drain plug in pan of hot oil: splash hot oil on you in process. Cuss.
12) Crawl out from under car to wipe hot oil off of face and arms. Throw kitty litter on spilled oil.
13) Have another beer while watching oil drain.
14) Spend 30 minutes looking for oil filter wrench.
15) Give up; crawl under car and hammer a screwdriver through oil filter and twist off.
16) Crawl out from under car with dripping oil filter splashing oil everywhere from holes. Cleverly hide old oil filter among trash in trash can to avoid environmental penalties. Drink a beer.
17) Install new oil filter making sure to apply a thin coat of oil to gasket surface.
18) Dump first quart of fresh oil into engine.
19) Remember drain plug from step 11..
20) Hurry to find drain plug in drain pan..
21) Drink beer.
22) Discover that first quart of fresh oil is now on the floor. Throw kitty litter on oil spill..
23) Get drain plug back in with only a minor spill. Drink beer.
24) Crawl under car getting kitty litter into eyes. Wipe eyes with oily rag used to clean drain plug. Slip with stupid crescent wrench tightening drain plug and bang knuckles on frame removing any excess skin between knuckles and frame.
25) Begin cussing fit.
26) Throw stupid crescent wrench.
27) Cuss for additional 5 minutes because wrench hit bowling trophy..
28) Beer.
29) Clean up hands and bandage as required to stop blood flow.
30) Beer.
31) Dump in five fresh quarts of oil..
32) Beer.
33) Lower car from jack stands.
34) Move car back to apply more kitty litter to fresh oil spilled during any missed steps.
35) Beer.
36) Test drive car.
37) Get pulled over: arrested for driving under the influence.
38) Car gets impounded.
39) Call loving wife, make bail.
40) 12 hours later, get car from impound yard.
Money spent:
Parts: $50.00
DUI: $2500.00
Impound fee: $75.00
Bail: $1500.00
Beer: $20.00
Total: $4,145.00
But you know the job was done right!
SEND THIS TO WOMEN WHO NEED A LAUGH.......
AND TO ANY MEN YOU THINK CAN HANDLE IT...
03-29-2010, 12:13 PM
#7
I change it on my truck. Fairly simple, no jacking required. Plus I also drive it on some rhino ramps. Can't even finish a beer in the time it takes, plus I don't really drink. All synthetic oil change for 25-30 bucks, compared to 60 bucks at jiffy lube.
Car is another story, usually just take it in.
Car is another story, usually just take it in.
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03-29-2010, 03:17 PM
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03-29-2010, 03:23 PM
#10
I wait till Oreillys or Vatozone has a special on full syn + mob 1 or k+n filter for 29.99 and buy 2-3 oil changes.
If I take it to shop or oil change place its over 60$ easy for the same combo and thats with a crappy filter.
180$ vs 90$ knowing its done right. 20min oil change x 3 = 1 hr for 90$ savings.
03-30-2010, 01:25 PM
#11
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I would rather change the oil myself. I dont like having other people touch my car. Usually after they are done with it you find hand prints all over the car. And it usually takes me almost half a day
03-30-2010, 01:52 PM
#12
not to save money, i just don't trust these flunkys at most shops that do oil changes, i know it's not complicated at all, but there are still way too many horror stories of stripped drain plugs, cars being ran without oil since the flunkys forgot, etc, etc, etc. it only takes me 20-30 minutes to do it myself, and know the job was done right
03-30-2010, 03:34 PM
#14
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I change my own for peace of mind, beer and it gives me an excuse to get away from the wife. And I definitely do not trust oil change places to touch my junk. Ill have to reference the above steps next time LOL
04-01-2010, 07:53 PM
#18
not to save money, i just don't trust these flunkys at most shops that do oil changes, i know it's not complicated at all, but there are still way too many horror stories of stripped drain plugs, cars being ran without oil since the flunkys forgot, etc, etc, etc. it only takes me 20-30 minutes to do it myself, and know the job was done right
04-01-2010, 11:08 PM
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I can honestly verify some of those horror stories. I worked at a Kwik Kar for two years when I first went to college and a lot of the fellow "techs" who worked there had no business working with cars in any way, shape or form. More than once we had guys start cars up without there being any oil in it and they didn't check the oil pressure, they just let it run. Then they'd go to check the level and notice nothing on the stick and just fill it up like they didn't do anything wrong. We would also fill up all your fluids for you as well and more than once we had to flush a cooling system because one of the guys would fill up the overfill tank with windshield wiper fluid.
You just need to do your homework before you let someone change your oil or work on your car.